with reckless abandon

2012-01-25T20:11:00.000-05:00

It seems like most things eventually come around full circle.

We used to mock our moms for deliberating over curtains and comparing paint colors. Now I love finding just the right piece of driftwood, arriving at the perfect shelf arrangement.

It feels like yesterday that I was listening intently to the mom's instructions, trying to catch all the little details, worried I wouldn't be able to remember how to fix the bottle or what time the kids were supposed to go to bed.

Now I'm leaving my daughter with babysitters. Writing directions for feeding, bedtime, how to calm her down, when to let her cry. High school girls. They seem so much younger nowadays, I think. Surely I never looked that young...

I remember hearing the woman's accent at the restaurant, irritated with her difficulty understanding my order, thinking to myself, If you're gonna live here, at least learn the language.

Now I'm the extranjera in a foreign country, the ever learning student of the Spanish language. And even after 5 years of living overseas I still get flustered and fumble through simple questions or statements I've said a million other times, trying to catch the mistakes as they come out, feeling like the fool under the smirk of an annoyed national.

Perhaps this is another interpretation of living a full and complete life. To live both sides of the same coin means we will at some point be the child and the adult, the giver and the receiver, the prideful and the humbled.

2012-01-12T13:29:00.000-05:00

Right now, we are her heroes.

It's hard to imagine there will come a day when she won't think we're the greatest, when she'll disobey, when she'll be embarrassed of her parents or hurt us with her words.

I heard someone say recently that we can't fully appreciate our parents until we have a child of our own. At first, in the wake of delivery and the weeks of pieced together naps, I could only think in terms of the beating your body takes in the birth process and the sacrifice of sleep. Now I've begun to think about the capacity to love, the unrequited hugeness of what we feel for our children, and the certainty that they will stray in one way or another.

I do feel infinitely more grateful for my parents and their sacrifice. But when I am left breathless at just how big my love is for her, at the depth of what I feel for this little person who has done nothing to earn it, who hasn't thanked us for our sacrifice, I am overwhelmed by what my Heavenly Father feels for me. By how He's ached, rejoiced, wept, and laughed over me. At how undeserved it all is.

2011-12-18T19:06:00.000-05:00

My baby girl doesn't need a sound machine.

Raindrops fall on wide palm branches outside her open window. A fan blows softly side to side, keeping mosquitoes from landing in one place long enough to bite. The rise and fall of motorcycle engines tearing down the gravel road leave behind a trail of dust that stirs and settles on our tile floor. The far-off colmado blasts bachata rhythms, its indiscernible lyrics our weekend soundtrack. Daihatsu trucks blare advertisements from oversized speakers. Dogs bark from behind iron gates, their voices echoing across the neighborhood.

Although I doubt very much Charlotte will remember anything from her first months of life in the Dominican Republic, I know that the noises and sights that surround her now have become her normal. She grows restless in silence and stillness. She much prefers the hum of a jeepeta and the uneven bounce of tires over a bumpy road.

Never for a moment do I regret having my daughter here. I love that she has already touched her toes into sand and felt salt water splash her face. I love that she hears around her little head a blend of Spanish and English, that she will probably know the lyrics of worship songs in a foreign language before the one spoken at home. I love that she looks up at faces of all different colors in awe and wonder. I love that our daughter already lives a full life.

casi 8 meses

2011-09-28T13:45:00.001-04:00

Only about 5ish weeks remain before junior makes his grand entrance. We have been wrapping up projects here, the most recent of which involved hanging the alphabet wall. Surprisingly, all it took was quite a bit of velcro and a few cement wall hooks and glue gun tricks. While you can't see all the letters in the following pic, you get the idea. Hopefully i'll be posting more later of the room entera, after it's totally finished and you can soak it up via some panoramic photographs.

I'm thankful to report that despite beginning to get swollen ankles and sweating profusely on the long, humid, AC-free days, everything continues to progress smoothly. At our last check-up, we were told the baby is "bien grande", but, of course, our dr. confessed, to her Tim and I are both very tall in comparison to most Dominicans. That made me feel a little better.

This past Sunday, our wonderful community threw us a co-ed baby shower. Without us knowing, they had told everyone to dress up based on what they predict the sex of the baby to be. Some of the best costumes involved cowboy boots and baseball caps with toy mop horses (pictured below). You may be interested to know that Team Boy represented a strong majority, with 30+ folks dressed in male gear. Less than 10 people dressed in pretty bows and represented the remaining loners who stood strong as Team Girl. Vamos a ver muy pronto...

ABCs

2011-08-21T19:47:00.002-04:00

Finally! One of the blessings very part-time involvement at school this year has already afforded me is extra time. Time to read, time to rest, time to exercise, time to cook, and time to craft. I could get used to this. But with baby Scar's impending arrival drawing closer (only 10ish weeks, folks!), I've been advised to enjoy this luxury while I can, because soon, my life will never be the same.

Months ago I found the idea online of creating an alphabet wall in the nursery. Since then I've schemed and planned, hunted and discussed, to make the most one-of-a-kind alphabet wall yet designed. Okay, so I know I'm a first time mom, but I love the idea of creating both a mentally and sensorily stimulating space for our baby AND, si Dios quiere, one that can be used for future Scar babies as well.

So, my challenge for myself has been to find and decorate 26 letters, each of which will somehow reflect a word(s) which begins with that letter. Here are a few of my first projects. Take the challenge and see if you can guess what each stands for:

This one's actually tricky. A is for...

Thanks for the help on this one, Grandma. B is for...

Fabric courtesy of Sarah's Fabrics in downtown Lawrence. D is for...

This is actually looking out the window in the future nursery. G is for...

Not only will junior be able to read from an early age, but measure as well. I is for...

One of my personal favorites. M is for...

One of these is dated back to 1906! P is for...

On the grill for a reason. S is for...

This one's meaning is two-fold. T is for...

Not the perfect shade of red, but you get the picture. This one's a bit obvious. V is for...

Place: downtown Atlanta. Frame: Durham thrift store find. X is for...

Soft as a baby's bottom. Y is for...

Another (hopefully) obvious one. Z is for...

Answer Key:

1. Atlas (if you could zoom in, all the places begin with "A"--Atlanta, Arizona, Alberta, Atlantic Ocean, etc.)

2. Button

3. Duck

4. Green

5. Inch

6. Music/melody

7. Postcard/Postage

8. Silver/shiny

9. Twine & twig

10. Vino (Spanish) = wine (English)

11. X-ing (a bit of a stretch, but X is hard!)

12. Yarn

13. Zebra

die dreaming

2011-08-07T16:49:00.000-04:00

"Would you like a die dreaming?" Tim asks without faltering as we take our guests past La Casa de Morir Soñando. Perhaps one of the most unique and famous drinks this tropical island has to offer is a creamsicle-like, orangey beverage sold in ice cold vats along the route from Jarabacoa to Santiago. Why do I tell you this? Yet another reason worth visiting us in our little rincón of paradise.

I've been back home now only a week, and yet we've enjoyed reuniting, meeting, painting, cleaning, welcoming, hosting, projecting, and exploring. This past week our staff did a 3-day expedition "slice", or group learning process. We traveled to the nearby town of Manabao, home of our school's coffee farm. There we joined up with another school and divided up to work on different projects. My group of 8 women was charged with painting a mural on the kids' bathroom wall. Just a peek at what it looked like before...

And after a day's worth of team work!

As I look forward to this year of very very part-time teaching and a baby coming in a few months, my hope is to do a lot more ART--painting, crafting, creating, you name it, both in our home as well as those of friends here. Truthfully I've had so little time to do what I thrive on. And as the name of the drink implies, I could easily die dreaming as I think of the prospect:)

after a long sabbatical

2011-07-22T16:36:00.000-04:00

So perhaps I haven’t felt particularly inspired, or I haven’t had time, or just haven’t taken time, or haven’t known where to begin—regardless, this seems to be my perpetual problem with blogging. I remain consistently inconsistent.

Perhaps a recap of this semester will help. Post our first Christmas in the DR, Tim and I took a little 3-year wedding anniversary trip around the island. That was lovely, and special since we had celebrated our honeymoon here back in the day. We began to talk about this looming question of “When will we start our family??” I joke, but it’s true—Tim has been ready and eager to take on the role of dad long before I was comfortable discussing the possibility of being a mom. But the Lord brought our hearts to a similar place, and soon after, the test was positiveJ

I had some complications early on. After some bleeding, the doctors identified a decent sized subchorionic hematoma, basically a blood clot between the gestational sac and the uterus. So our big news was met with uncertainty and a bit of anxiety as we heard a range of opinions, from very hopeful to rather disheartening. After praying and talking it over and swallowing a significant dose of dying to my pride that “no one can do my job”, I took off about 2 weeks to slow down, rest up, and let people take care of me. During most of this time, Tim was at a conference in Portland. I can honestly say though that I have never experienced community as I did during this at-home stint. People stayed with me, cooked for me, stopped by, prayed over me and “junior”, brought me goodies, watched movies with me and Beaux. I was lacking for nothing.

At the end of this time on bed rest and Tim’s time in the states, we returned to the doctor to receive beautiful news- my body had absorbed the hematoma or clot, and the pregnancy was strong and progressing well. Woohoo! I returned to school the next day and set out to treasure what became my last semester (at least for a while now) of teaching.

The Lord supplied abounding energy in this time. I was able to continue for the last 3 months without missing even one more day of classes. I began to see and aprovechar so many things I had taken for granted—lunches with kids whose parents never come, in between class chats with my YL girls, after school drop-ins of lonely middle schoolers. I soaked it up.

Now I am nearly 6 months pregnant and Tim and I are wrapping up another 4 week stateside tour that included stops in Alabama, Georgia, North Carolina, Texas, Kansas, and Colorado. While we always enjoy our time here with friends and nephews and future grandparents, we feel ready to return home to continue doing what we love.

Que está pasando

2010-12-12T00:21:00.002-05:00

What's exhausting me these days...
Expeditions, YL Camp, curriculum writing, ACSI accreditation, end of the year parties, and grading papers.

What's been my escape...
A charming yet moving book I just finished this morning, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. It was lovely.

What's lacking...
Party mix, cold weather, assorted popcorn tins, National Lampoon's Christmas Vaction, peppermint bark, and Joe's cookies.

What's gotten me into the holiday spirit...
A stunning, 10-foot, live tree in our living room (legally cut down and paid for, Bolivia crew), mixed playlists, featuring Manheim, Mariah, Bing, and Ray, lights on the house, and "pocket" advent activities with students.

What's been on the forefront of my mind...
Upcoming vacation, including a beach trip here, Tim's whole family in our Dominican home, and a 3 year anniversary retreat.

What brings me a smile every day...
Our clumsy dog. At 55 pounds and growing, Beaux still tries to sit in our laps.

What's energizing me...
Quality time studying the Word with high school girls, many of whom are seeking and wrestling and growing.

Los que confían en el Señor

2010-10-05T15:02:00.001-04:00

We summited Pico Duarte Wednesday, September 22nd with all 12 of our 8th graders! It was indeed challenging, but this picture says more than I can in words. I love how radiant their faces are with victory and the new found confidence that comes when you make it to the mountaintop. "Those who trust in the Lord are like Mt. Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore." Psalm 125:1-2

My student teacher Maggie and I spread out a huge sheet of butcher paper on several picnic tables joined end to end. During devotion class last Friday we each had our own section on which to draw, write, express, and share some of the main things we learned and experienced on the trip. Here are a few of our final reflections...

Many people climb "sin nada"- they put their packs, food, sleeping bags, todo on the mules' backs and literally carry their own water bottle and can of salchichas. Joel's drawing shows how we chose the harder route, carrying our own packs all the way to the top.

Lucy included our week's memory verse and a breakdown of emotions along the trail. I love "body sore" followed by "said in my mind 'I can do it'"! Here is a pic of precious Lucy from the top of La Pelona, Pico Duarte's sister peak that we hiked up Thursday morning.

united in spirit

2010-09-19T20:14:00.000-04:00

dear friends, i write to you briefly on the eve of our annual trek to pico duarte with the 8th grade class. tomorrow we leave at 6am with 4 boys, 8 girls, 5 leaders, and 3 guides to climb the tallest mountain in the caribbean. for many of our students, this will be the hardest physical challenge they have ever encountered. our theme verses are philippians 2:2-5:

"Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus."

please join with us in praying for safety as we climb. pray that the students would trust and see the Lord provide physical and mental strength. pray that He would open their hearts to hear from Him in all new ways.

this is why i know i could never scrapbook

2010-08-31T09:56:00.001-04:00

I've debated what to write about the remainder of summer and these first few weeks back. (I can't figure out if I just have way too much to say, or, more likely, nothing profound or fascinating enough to mention.) Maybe a recap of summer travels? Nope, who would read that? An apology for once again allowing such a long lapse of time between this and my last entry? No, too nice, redundant, and once again, who really cares? So, I've landed on...

a good word

a few pics

& a kid's poem

"The true character of the loveliness that tells for God is always unconscious. Conscious influence is priggish and un-Christian. If I say--I wonder if I am of any use--I instantly lose the bloom of the touch of the Lord. 'Whoever believes in me, streams of living water will flow from within him'...In the Christian life the implicit is never conscious; if it is conscious, it ceases to have this unaffected loveliness which is the characteristic of the touch of Jesus."

I've recently returned to My Utmost for His Highest, a devotional I had previously only grazed over. But WOW- he delivers a powerful word. I am being severly humbled by the meatiness of each day's reading. As Oswald so frankly puts it, when I attempt to be or do "Christian", I am simply a flat, moralistic being void of any life-giving power. When I am fully yielded to Christ and surrendered to Him in my poverty, He fills me and flows through me in a way that is Life and Breath. Not conjured up, but real, authentic.

And now, meet the newest addition to our family! Still back in the states with my parents, Beaux will hopefully be joining us mid-September.

cute as a beauxtton

lovin' the boat

can't wait for him to get here...

the other nephew, Bryson, at his last t-ball game

a few of my favorites

We're back in school, which, as the middle school English teacher, means I'm already under an ever-mounting pile of journal entries, vocab quizzes, and rough drafts. Quite often, though, I'm floored by my kids' writing. Kids who write way better than they realize. To kick off this year's writing workshop, we studied George Ella Lyons' famous "Where I'm From" poem. We then each followed suit and wrote our own, examining our roots, spoken messages, the power of place, and legacy. I thought I might share one with you. Brought to you in her original spelling, this one's by a new 6th grader who recently moved from New York back to her place of birth.

I am from New York to Jarabacoa

and from great old serverinos deli

I am from hot sandy summers

and cold icey winters

I am from Picking strawberrys at ben’s granja

I am from Grandma Juanita

and rice and beans with chicken

I am from vanilla ice cream

I’m from sitting in the porch intill dawn

I am from don’t tell you’re sister what to do

and don’t leave your homework for last.

I am from savior’s shop

I am from Garden man Jose

and my Grandma Juanita who rased 6 children.

I am from Yaneris and Luis

I’m from forest park

and from yadi the trouble maker.

I’m from the golden familia

and from Mr. Goofy

I’m from Irma and Tiffany

I’m from Coney Island

and from Rock-n Roll

summer is here

2010-06-18T00:43:00.005-04:00

We are back in the States. Though we've only been on US soil for a little less than a week, we've already managed to make it to Tim's 10 year reunion and spend plenty of time in Dallas poolside with the Scarborough clan. Here are a few snapshots of our first couple days back-

Meet Eli and Ezra, Tim's sister and brother-in-law's kids. They are constantly saying hilarious things that ought to be published. In fact, when I sit down on a toilet, I would rather pick up a book of their quotes over Reader's Digest any day. I'll have to post a pic of Bryson, Tim's sister's son soon.

In Austin, TX, we stopped by a place that has special significance to us. Our school in Jarabacoa, Doulos Discovery, owns a coffee farm on Spirit Mountain in a nearby village called Manabao. This ongoing project is the most tangible reminder of the fruits of expeditionary learning that directly impacts our students. The coffee grown on this plot of land is roasted in the DR and shipped to the coffee store above. All proceeds directly feed back into Doulos as well as another Dominican school called Makarios. Their motto: drink coffee, change the world.

a little some'en some'en to make you smile today:)

2010-06-03T11:33:00.001-04:00

Wanna watch a 2 1/2 minute video of kids saying thanks? Trust me, it's worth it. Take a work break and click here: http://www.doulosdiscovery.org/. I hope it is especially encouraging to supporters and family who give and pray over the lives here. Many of the kids in this video are my students in MS English class, my girls in YL Bible study.

Today Tim and I are at home, enjoying yet another of the inordinate amount of national holidays la Republica Dominicana has to offer. We're not complaining. Thank you, Corpus Christi. Unfortunately, my backpack is 7 pounds heavy with papers-yet-to-be-graded. Since grades are due tomorrow, I will be on lockdown for the rest of the day, working through essays, tests, and memoirs.

Tim and I fly to the states after graduation, late next Friday night. We will head to Austin just in time to celebrate his 10 year reunion. After that we'll spend a week with his family and then head to Tyler for family camp at Pine Cove: Woods. We'll spend the rest of our summer touching base with supporters, inviting more folks to join our team, playing with nephews, devouring good hamburgers and BBQ, soaking up sleep, and searching for the perfect dog:)

Sometimes, it has to be BROS before...

2010-05-27T09:37:00.003-04:00

Last weekend, Tim shocked me with a flight to the states for my 25th b-day. As some of y'all may remember, Tim flew to Bolivia and proposed during recess on May 22nd, 3 years ago, and about gave me a heart attack. My husband seems to be in the business of surprising, and, I must say, he pulls it off exceptionally well. As I looked at the calendar a few months back, it just so happened that my birthday fell on the weekend of my little (BIG) brother's high school graduation. I mentioned it briefly then..."how awesome would that be if I could surprise Blake that weekend? That would be the best birthday present..." and he tucked that away. Needless to say, it was far better than a stylish pair of shoes or spiffy new outfit.

What was so fun about the brief 5 days I spent in Tuscaloosa was just getting to be a sister again. I know, I know, you never really give up being a sibling, but for the past 8 years (DANG) of being out of the house, I have lived an increasingly more separate life from Cooper and Blake. When I think back to my years in the Brenton household, the words "only child" never cross my mind. But in reality, Blake has lived like an only child for much of his time growing up.

Blaring rap music with the windows down, scouring the pantry for the best junk food, watching lame movies and old Office episodes, tooling around in TJ Maxx, ganging up on our parents...yep, I felt like I was a kid again. I got to step back into his world. Instead of being Whitney who perpetually lives in another country I was just the sister down the hall.

Good News or Bad News First?

2010-04-17T14:56:00.017-04:00

Always start with the bad news.

Last Tuesday we had to put down our precious puppy. After I last wrote, Duke took a turn for the worst. We took him to a reputable clinic 2 hours away, where he spent about 10 days under he supervision of a wonderful vet, Dr. Bob. After more blood tests and observation, Duke was diagnosed with lupus, a disease more commonly found in humans in which the body's cells attack their host. When we brought our dog home, he was skinny and weak, but a healthy dose of steroids each day was the prognosis to help him get his appetite back, gain weight, and regain his strength. We had about one week of hopeful growth, but then Duke's body began to literally break down. He no longer responded to the steroids and refused to eat. The bloody diarrhea returned and he began to shake and lose his balance. Within a few days, he could no longer walk or even stand up and was clearly suffering. After talking once again to Dr. Bob, we knew it was cruel to keep him alive.

I've never been a huge dog person, but this experience was incredibly painful. I was surprised by how much Duke became a part of our family in a few short months. For us this was like a puppy miscarriage; clearly, not even on the same playing field as a child, but we did have hopes of what this new life would become in your family that were unexpectedly cut short.

All this to say, we are still eager to raise a family dog here. Tim has always wanted a weimaraner or lab, so if you know anyone who breeds these dogs please let us know. We will be home this summer and are interested in buying a puppy to bring back.

Ok, now for the good news.

We just returned from the states for the celebration of Cooper and Heather's wedding. It was fabulous. Not only was it wonderful to be all together as a family, but we got an inside glimpse of how crazy Heather is about my brother and how committed Coop is to her.
Since the wedding was in Dallas, we were able to spend a few stolen hours with Tim's family. We surprised kindergarten nephews Bryson and Eli with happy meals during their school lunch.
Coop stood up at the rehearsal dinner and proclaimed his love for Heather, getting me all choked up as he shared how long distance challenged him to pursue her recklessly and revealed what he was willing to sacrifice to fight for her. Heather surprised Coop by singing a song at the reception she had written, thanking the Lord for him and the gift of their relationship.

As much as we deeply treasure our lives in the Dominican Republic, my heart often aches to be nearer to family. While Tim and I would not think about missing our HS kids' senior graduation in June, it's not feasible to make it back for my own little brother's this spring. The more we look to the future and contemplate having babies here, I know there will be more sacrifices to continue doing life away and apart. Next year, though, we are thrilled to host BOTH sides of our family in what we readily call home. The new and improved Brentons plan to come for Thanksgiving break and the whole Scarborough clan will share a Feliz Navidad with us here.

un chin chin

2010-03-04T21:06:00.012-05:00

Tim spent 5 days in February distributing water filters in Port-au-Prince. He joined up with several ministries, Global Effect and Filter Pure. Our school plans to take a group of high school students later this semester to help with these and other relief efforts.
Meanwhile, I was back home searching for vehicles. Ironically, after we had traversed the entire island, I found "the one" within walking distance of our house. After talking to a trusted mechanic and getting 2 emphatic thumbs up, Tim and I purchased our first set of wheels since living overseas. It's a well-cared for '97 Montero, complete with 6-CD changer and cassette player:) We love it, and are truly grateful to all those who gave toward this need. And because of the 3 filas, or three rows of seats, we've already been able to cram in quite a load of kids for YL Club.
Our now 3 1/2 month cachorro weighs in at about 25 pounds. Despite a few parasite scares and vet visits, he continues to prove a stellar addition to our family. He faithfully greets our friends, scares off sketchy characters, and chews on things he shouldn't. He's our pal.

And while I am often annoyed by the army-like infiltration of hermigas through every crevice of our house, I can't help but be a bit impressed by their strength and teamwork. Sometimes when I'm sick of these pesky suckers I squish them without a second thought. Other times I just watch, mesmerized. Check out this snapshot, where Tim caught a pack of 11 ants hauling a piece of a tortilla chip across our kitchen floor. This time we let them keep it.

2010-01-18T15:28:00.010-05:00

I read an email today from a missionary there on the front lines. "We used our whole supply of meds the first day. Melina helped deliver a baby or two. Dentists and veterinarians are treating people. Everyone is a doctor now if they have a good education...We can't get gasoline or bread or meat. Other foods are available though. The electricity is off and won't be back on any time soon." He went on to describe the chaos brought on by the earthquake. "An angry mob killed a man right in front of us, saying he was a thief. Thousands of prisoners have escaped into the streets because the biggest prison in the country fell down. We couldn't stop them as there were simply too many of them and we only had limited ammo...There were three cops with shotguns directing traffic three blocks away and they ignored it."

In the wake of such a devastating event in Haiti, our students have initiated a community-wide drive to collect canned goods, sheets, towels, medicine, and other commodities families desperately need. It's staggering just how close this has hit to home and yet how life has continued for us much the same. Even here, just over 100 miles away, we feel helpless. Not having a TV, I couldn't really picture the scene on the opposite end of the island until I googled "earthquake in Haiti" and watched a video on BBC News. During the earthquake, I was meeting with some of my high school girls. We were on the second story of a house and it literally felt as if someone had taken the foundations of the building and was swaying it from side to side. It had the bizarre feeling of the ground becoming mercury. Suddenly we all felt dizzy and lightheaded without really knowing what had happened.

Our French teacher Voltaire left this Wednesday to look for his family in Port-au-Prince. He had not been able to communicate with them since the earthquake. He returned last night relieved, having found them safe and unharmed by the earthquake, but brokenhearted for his country and what he saw there. He shared this morning that he believes the number dead far exceeds 100,000. There are still so many missing and unaccounted for- parents who can't find their children, children left wandering the streets, spouses carrying pictures around, hoping for the needle-in-a-haystack chance that someone has seen them alive. It is truly devastating.

On the heels of such a catastrophe, I can't help but ask the cliche' question of "why, God, why?" Why would you allow a country that already ranks up there with the poorest nations and is so far behind, so deep in poverty, be hit so hard? And then I have to remind myself that of all brokenness, of all the people crying out, I do believe that God is hurting the most. I have to believe that more is going on behind what I see in a real life snapshot, on a youtube video, or a news update. That in pain, God does draw people to himself. That when every earthly possession crumbles, He proves Himself faithful. That in the glorious mix of God's omniscience, love, and sovereignty, no one escapes His sight.

Puppy Love

2010-01-18T15:04:00.005-05:00

Meet Duke. The newest addition to our family. Pretty cute, eh? Ever since our moto got stolen, we have wanted to get a dog for a little added security as well as peace of mind when Tim goes out of town, or even, as we've learned the hard way, when we're sleeping. As I told a friend earlier today, we're still far from ready for children, but this is a definite step in the family direction. And despite the pooping and peeing involved in raising a pet, we are loving having a dog. I think I forgot just how great a dog can make you feel about yourself. Coming home to him is like returning to a friend who has not stopped waiting for you all day long.

2009-12-07T15:32:00.004-05:00

This past Tuesday marked the inaugural Jarabacoa Young Life Club! It was a great success as 25 high school students came curious and left eager to invite more folks. The evening activities included eating a record number of Fruit Loops, belting out “Apologize”, and unleashing a dance party in our living room. It was a blast for me and Tim to get to host the event, as we feel very blessed that the Lord has given us a house big enough in which to have kids over.

For those of you who don’t know, Tim and I have decided to become Young Life leaders here in the DR. Young Life is a ministry that exists to build relationships with high school students and present them with a picture of who Christ is in a real, relevant, and fun way. Shortly after moving here, it became evident that the Lord has been laying the foundation for this ministry to start in our town. Along with a group of 5 other outstanding leaders between 2 schools, we have definitely felt the affirmation that now is the time. We are reaping the fruit of what many before us have prayed, bled, and sweat over.

Please pray for us as we begin friendships with these high-schoolers. This Tuesday will be our 2nd Club. Pray that the Lord brings even more kids and that they would walk away full, loved, and challenged to think about Christ from a different perspective. Tim will be sharing with students on the person of Christ. This Thursday will be a culminating celebration of a semester long expedition in each grade. Pray for Tim as he is in charge of helping each class present their final product that represents weeks of experiential learning and hard work.

We are looking forward to being home with family and dear friends in just a few days!

2009-11-13T09:54:00.006-05:00

This past weekend we enjoyed a lovely getaway at the beach! It was our first trip to the playa since calling the Dominican Republic home. After living for 2 1/2 years in one of the only 2 landlocked countries in South America, Tim and I were eager to take advantage of the fact that we now live on an island! I still empathize with those of you in La Paz... We traveled with a small group of folks from Jarabacoa and spent our 3-day weekend listening to Jazz music, laying out by the seashore, celebrating a friend's birthday, eating delicious sushi, and just resting up. It was a well needed tiempo de descansa.

For those who don't know, 2 weeks ago our gate was broken into and our motorcycle was stolen while we were sleeping. On the heels of such a disappointing and scary situation, we felt the body of Christ rally around us both here and back in the states, as folks sent truth in the form of powerful scripture as well as prayers against fear and resentment. The Lord has richly shown His provision as friends have willingly given to replace our only mode of transportation. Our prayer is that we will be able to buy a car as a result, and that it will enable us to serve better AND make life easier:)

This weekend we will take a group of HS students to the Young Life Camp, Pico Escondido, here in town. We are thrilled to see what the Lord does in the lives of kids He's allowed us to begin building solid relationships with. Please pray for supernatural strength for me and Tim (this has been a busy week!) and for God to work on hearts in a powerful way.

Viste que pudiste

2009-10-07T11:02:00.003-04:00

Tim recently wrote una cuenta for our school website of the stellar week we had at Pico Duarte. I figured, who better to share thoughts with you on the trip than the expedition leader himself? So, here ya go folks-

The Caribbean’s tallest peak was once again conquered by ten eager Doulos 8th graders. Along with four teachers, these trekkers proved that they have what it takes to endure five grueling days in the wilderness. While they weren’t very excited about the 3:30 wake-up call on summit day, they wouldn’t have traded watching the sunrise from over 10,000 ft. After more than 25 miles of hiking, these trail warriors returned with much more than sore feet and blisters to tell the story.

This team was challenged physically, mentally, and spiritually, yet they met each day of the expedition with a new found respect for themselves and each other. There were times when their mud soaked feet and emotionally shot minds didn’t want to continue, but at the end of each rainy afternoon they were glad to be one step closer to the top and one step closer to their classmates.

The highlight for me wasn’t the time away from school or the view from the top but rather the heart change that we saw in each one of the students as each came to the realization that he is capable of greatness. Our nights were spent unfolding truths about the Lord and these conversations served as high octane fuel for the next day’s hike. So even though the trail was rough and the weather didn’t cooperate, the week was an incredible success. This class has set a very high precedent for next year’s 8th graders.

All in,

Tim Scarborough
Expedition Leader

Tropical Touches

2009-09-21T07:40:00.007-04:00

I’ve been inspired recently by all the decorating options I have afforded to me because of where I live. The other day I cut some flowers from the yard and made bouquet below. Unfortunately I don’t know much about plants, so I’m going to have to call the neighborhood jardinero soon to give me some advice and direction so they don’t shrivel and die. But for now, we’re enjoying their lovely bright colors.

Last week we bought a set of two bamboo chairs for our living room. They are made by a Dominican man at the base of Julia Alvarez’s coffee farm. He doesn’t use any nails or glue--only cuts and fits the pieces together and laces the back with a few copper strands for stability. Then he burns the wood to give it a nice finish. Isn’t his work amazing?!

Finally, I was inspired by all the bamboo in this country, so I’m starting a Lost-esque mural on our blue accent wall. I haven’t gotten too far yet, but hopefully it will give the feel that we have bamboo trees growing in our living room.

turning over a new leaf...we'll see

2009-09-17T17:00:00.011-04:00

Ok, so I'm beginning to realize that I'm really bad at this whole blogging thing. I feel like there are two types of bloggers in this world- those who update theirs every few days or weekly at least, and those who (like me) forget their blog for months at a time and have to return to it, dust it off, crack it open, and resurrect it from the shelf. It's ironic that my professional career primarily consists of reading and writing and teaching kids to love both, yet I myself am horrible at updating my own online narrative. As I look at friends' highly engaging and regularly updated blogs, I'm inspired to attempt to turn over a new leaf and actually USE mine- to post pics, share student writing and hilarious classroom moments, and debrief on life on a more regular basis. Of course at this point I'm sure my fan club has seriously dwindled due to my lack of discipline.

I'll start with the basic update...
Tim and I have finally found a beautiful home and are beginning to settle into life here. We're really loving it.

School is a blast, the kids are phenomenal, we have fun new friends, Tim goes on sweet trips for "work", I read quality middle school literature and write alongside my students, and we get around on a motorcycle...well, to be honest it's more like a glorified scooter. But really, can we complain? I haven't learned to drive it yet, but I'm really hoping to soon!

The Lord has been teaching us so much about each other in this new place. I'm seeing how oftentimes when Tim hurts my feelings and asks for forgiveness, I hold a grudge because I feel like he needs to work to earn back my favor. I've seen recently just how contrary that really is to the gospel. I've sensed the Lord just reminding me that He wants to be the one to heal me in any hurt or any pain. Tim's job is not to make me feel better or "fix" it. That's really not what a relationship based on grace and forgiveness should be built on. Gulp.

Tim and I head out this Monday on a 5-day viaje with our 8th grade students. We will be leading them on an intense backpacking trip up Pico Duarte, the Caribbean's highest peak at 10,164 feet (before you mock it, friends back in La Paz, just remember that we are starting at sea level!). Pray that it's a rich time for the kids. Pray that we lead them well. Pray for safety and unity among the 10 students who will be going. Most of all, pray that the Lord really speaks personally to all our hearts and woos students to Himself.

Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas...

2009-07-18T18:28:00.012-04:00

In our brief time back in the states thus far, we’ve toured all around these nifty thrifty. We have had a BLAST seeing friends and fam, roadtripping, surprising folks, eating fatty American food, and sleeping in. We’ve spent the greatest deal of time in Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, Alabama, Texas, and now Colorado, and passed through quite a few in between. We still have Kansas to traverse and will end up back in Texas for Woods Pine Cove family camp in Tyler before heading to the DR on August 1st. Here are a couple of conclusions we’ve drawn (or rather been reminded of) since being back…

Best Weather: Colorado
Most Humid: TEXAS (by far)
Best Mexican food: also Texas
Best State to be in the Pool: yes, you guessed it, Texas
Most Ridiculous Toll Roads: Florida (how do people afford to commute in and out of Orlando?)
Worst Barbecue: North Carolina (sorry Van Heukelums, but J & J voted TX first…)
Most Ridiculous Theme Park with Nothing to do: Pedro’s "South of the Border" in South Carolina

Thickest Southern Accents and Waistlines: Mississippi (although Alabama’s not too far behind)

Overall, it’s really been great. Thanks to all of you out there who have welcomed us into your home, fed us gladly, and encouraged us in what we’re doing and where we’re headed. We’ve loved every minute of visiting with y’all.

For those who don’t know, Tim and I tearfully moved from Bolivia (and by moved I mean crammed in as much as our 4 suitcases could hold) on June 16th. We are now raising support to move to work in Jarabacoa in the DR. We have loved living in La Paz- it was truly a privilege to work with such a stellar staff and teach crazy incredible kids. I saw and experienced things in Bolivia that are deeply etched in my memory…our disastrous Salar trip that turned into a heavenly escape, camping on the Isla del Sol, seeing hardened young hearts broken and molded, hunting for anacondas in thigh-deep swamp water, crossing rivers in LandCruisers on the mission trip, flipping a house with the help of dedicated friends, pressing through the bureaucracy of a system that required 1 ½ years to get a one year visa, becoming mentors and parents to kids in need of a stable voice they could trust…too many to name.

But this past year we really sensed the Lord calling us elsewhere, to a place that has been on our hearts for several years now, to a place that Tim first found while we were only dating and has since been in love with. Through the total grace and sovereignty of God, Tim will be the outdoor expedition leader at Doulos Discovery School and I will be the middle school language arts teacher. We are stoked. Honestly, when people ask me, I am most thrilled about seeing my husband do something that he is passionate about and feels truly gifted to do. I believe that he has some exceptional gifts yet to be fully tapped into. I hope and pray this job brings those out in him.

If you’re reading this and you haven’t gotten our most recent support letter and want to support our ministry somehow, you can give online here or write a check to Doulos Discovery School with our names in the memo line and send it here:

Doulos Discovery Ministries
PO Box 3080
Burnsville, MN 55337

On a recent little hike outside Colorado Springs, we met a couple older women who had done missions in the DR before. One asked if we knew much about the voodoo and witchcraft that takes place in the DR and Haiti. Her friend interjected with, “Nah, don’t worry about him. Satan’s a woose. He’s got nothing on Jesus,” to which I replied, “Amen!”

So, we move forward in the divine confidence that Satan has been defeated and our God reigns supreme. Good news, eh?

2009-05-10T09:08:00.004-04:00

For the select few who follow or even read this blog from time to time...

The past few months have been nearly consumed with a great deal of work related to accreditation. Over the past two years, Highlands International School has been working toward a dual accreditation with SACS and ACSI, culminating in an intense 3-day site visit at the end of April (hence my lack of blogging since February!). While the visit started off a bit rough, with a couple members of the team boldly stating their concern and/or skepticism concerning various aspects of our school's policy and procedures, the trip ended victoriously with the representatives of the two organizations confidently giving their thumbs up for our school and the incredible progress that has been made in a remarkably short amount of time. Needless to say, we were thrilled!

Over this long, tedious, and tiresome process, there were many times I verbalized my frustration with the insane amount of work that had to be done individually as well as together as a staff. We each created detailed curriculum guides for the subjects that we teach and wrote part of a self-study document that, once compiled, ended up being 350 pages long! There were also many more hours put into preparation work for the actual visit. Thus when we received that proud stamp of approval, we all celebrated because it has been a true united effort, one that has caused us to see beyond the here and now and work for the future of this life-changing mission we've all been a part of.

When it was all said and done, I was surprised by how privileged I felt and how humbled I was. When the official announcement was made to our small, 20-member staff team, the reaction was emotional. In that moment, I was overwhelmed with the blessing this had all been to be a part of, with the collective vision we were working toward, and the daunting goal that had been achieved. I was then humbled realizing how my perspective had often been one of disdain for this process, and yet all along the Lord was teaching me just how many things in life and especially in the Christian faith I now benefit from because of the diligence and sacrifice of others before me. I realized that no one person deserved the credit (although maybe some encouragement from the accreditation team didn't hurt!). We truly believe the Lord has ordained this school and we have only been a small part of the foundational steps in seeing His long-term plan made into a reality.

One of the SACS representatives, a principal of a prestigious school who was openly not a believer, thanked the staff on their closing day with us. He shared, "I am better after having been to your school. I go home a better man than when I came."

I pray that you are encouraged to know that the Lord truly was glorified in this process that many of you have prayed for and been a part of from a distance. I also share this with you in the hopes that wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you remain diligent in the seemingly small tasks the Lord has set before you. As I told my students in chapel this past week, I believe that the Lord is always preparing us for greater things, things which on this side of eternity may seem simple, mundane, or even useless in the process. Whether planting seeds, setting up the next group to win, building truths into your kids, discipling a new believer, or bringing vision where it is lacking, laying the foundation is never a menial task.

Simple Truths for Slow Learners

2009-02-15T17:33:00.003-05:00

Dang, it’s been way too long! So much happens and I forget to update my blog, then I feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start…

I guess a good place would be to share some truths the Lord placed on my heart while we were home over the Christmas vacation. One night toward the end of the trip, I was wrestling with the Lord concerning His provision and future plans. I just planted myself in the midst of wanting to solve it on my own and sat and listened to what I felt He was trying to say to me. These were the words that I wrote down:

My portion for you is good.
(I kept thinking of the passage in Psalm 16, “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places…” but yet do I really receive all that He chooses to give me with a glad heart? Or am I too busy thinking about what so-and-so has to be grateful for the gift set before me?)

Trust me to the ends of your toes.
(Ladies, I don’t know if any of you can relate, but often the idea of trusting with our heart holds little value when we stew over something incessantly with our minds or make ourselves sick to our stomachs with worry. The Lord reminded me of Mark 12:30, “Love the Lord your God will all your HEART and with all your SOUL and with all your MIND and with all your STRENGTH.” I realized that often I am not loving the Lord when I am not trusting and surrendering to Him fully, and that I do not trust Him literally with every part of myself! Jesus pretty much covered his bases in this one statement.)

My plan for you is different.
(I realized how easy it is for me to line up my life alongside a friend’s mentally and compare what I have, where I am, what I own, what I lack…I just sensed the Lord telling me to richly dwell where I am. Tim and I have been led to Bolivia for a sure purpose by a steadfast God who creatively writes all our stories uniquely. I would never trade in what I’ve been given for anyone else’s plan or portion.)

My banner over you is love.
(Songs 2:4 says, “He has brought me to his banquet hall and his banner over me is love.” Reading this passage brought back an old cheesy Sunday school song that has been etched in my memory. How beautiful, though, to know with confidence that the Lord proudly displays his affection for us, that He stakes His mark on us and claims us for everyone to see.)

Don’t stop bringing me all your wants and needs.
(Do you ever start to feel like your prayers are going unheard? Or that your requests are just a little outlandish? This statement reminded me that the Lord desires for His children to come to Him above all, that no request is too great for Him, and that He is not offended when we lay things before His feet.)

Don’t waste your life in worry, comparison, and catch-up.
(It’s easy to step out of life overseas back into suburban America and be overwhelmed with advances that have been made in your absence. Whether people are buying houses, having babies, sporting fancy cars or just toting around the new iPhone, it’s easy to feel a need to catch up to where others are. I realized that I could easily give the enemy such a foothold in this area and once again be unsatisfied based on a standard I alone am holding myself to, a lie that I am believing of where my worth is found.)

Why would I draw your hearts there and not supply funds?
(This specifically confronts the reality of having to raise substantially more support for this upcoming move to the Dominican Republic. And yet we are always blown away rather than disappointed by God’s provisions through financial supporters. I realized that He has been drawing us to a new place and that He is the one who is promising to provide.)

I realize none of these are all that profound, but just maybe one of them hits a soft spot wherever you are. I see as I write out these truths just how simple they are and how trivial my concerns can be, but how relevant our God really is.

A Close Encounter

2008-11-09T16:15:00.009-05:00

What began last Saturday morning as a well-meaning bike ride down El Choro Trail, a famous 25 mile Incan path that connects the outskirts of La Paz to the jungle city of Coroico, ended as a slightly scary experience for the wives waiting on the other end. When Julie and Maya (the spouse and 5 month old baby of New Zealand biker James) and I dropped off the group of 5 at the Cumbre, or start of the trail, at 11:30 am, we had little doubt that we would be picking up the adventurers no later than 8 pm in Coroico at the end of la caminata. However, as late evening rolled around and we had yet to hear anything from the group, we began to grow a little concerned. We had already unpacked all our things at a lovely animal reserve called La Senda Verde outside of town (below is a pic of me with one of the friendly monkeys on the premises); however, we had to stay in the car in town to wait for the call because there was no reception at our hostal. Thankfully, Maya is an exceptionally chill baby and put up less of a fuss about having to sleep in the back of the Bellingham's '73 LandCruiser than Jules and I did.

At around 2 am, as we were restlessly in and out of sleep, parked off the plaza in Coroico on this unfortunate rain-chilled night, our worries peaked and we began to fear the worst. Had our husbands slipped of the trail on the their bikes and slid down a cliff to their death? Had one of the group had a nasty injury and, being miles from any kind of care, the rest of the group had to carry them the remaining miles of the trail? Really, we had NO idea where they were and allowed our minds to go to the worst places- praying that they were just dealing with a bit of bike trouble and there was really nothing wrong at all.

Well, at around 10 am the next morning, almost 23 hours after their departure, feeling groggy and trying to be optimistic despite a low morale, we got the long-awaited call from our men! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU GUYS? As hoped for, the boys (and one brave chica) had in fact experienced a great deal of bike trouble (over 20 flat tires were patched throughout the day-long trek!). Thankfully, they were safe, had hitched a ride from the end of the trail to the town we were currently in and would be there shortly. Needless to say, Julie and I rejoiced together and Maya continued on as her chilled self, having had no idea anything was ever wrong.

All in all, there were no great injuries. However, Tim did incur a centimeter deep, 2 inch wide gash on his leg during a "fight" with a jagged rock on the trail. We got a few stitches at the shady hospital in town and racked up a whopping 76 B tab! For those not so familiar with the Boliviano-Dollar exchange rate, that's right around $9. Yep, that's right- NINE DOLLARS! We may just have to dip into our emergency savings fund for that one.

Now that it's all said and done, it was an incredible experience for the bikers, and while they hated leaving us wondering if they were alive on the other side, we saw the Lord's providence through the generosity of people. Before Julie and I went to town to wait for the group's arrival, we encountered some car trouble. The Lord immediately brought along a group of Paraguayans who were in no rush but were insistent on fixing the truck before they moved on. They got dirty under the hood of the car while we entertained Maya and followed their Spanish orders for about 45 minutes.

The next day, after Tim's return, some Cuban doctors took us under their wings. They cleaned Tim's wound (pictured above, forgive the gory nature of this picture!) and gave us loads of medicine to ward off infection. While they were unable to perform stitches due to a lack of equipment, they warned us if we went to the hospital, they would have to cut the already infected cauli-flowered muscle around the gash and then sew it up. With a big gulp and "pull up your bootstraps" attitude (on my part- Tim was quite unphased), we made our way to the hospital where they welcomed us warmly and administered the sutures.

While it is now a somewhat comical story to share and refer back to, I legitimately was scared for the first time in our 10 months of marriage that perhaps the Lord had other plans for me than growing old with my husband. I will say this, that I profoundly learned the importance of memorizing scripture, of engraving the Lord's promises on my heart, because as John Piper has taught fervently on, I should not have to have my Bible in moments of crisis to speak truth and to ground my worried, wandering spirit on the solid rock.

Bolivia Makes Headlines

2008-09-16T21:29:00.013-04:00

The view from our window as pro-Evo supporters marched down the hill in droves...at least 3,000 men and women from El Alto to protest autonomy and stand strong for Chavez's buddy, President Morales.

Showing our support in our chicken pot pie, praying that all these political shenanigans don't get us sent home...

controversy and deficit

2008-09-14T20:41:00.010-04:00

Thanks so much to all of you who have taken the time to look at our before and after house photos and encourage us from a distance! It's fun to have a super helpful (while still lame) venue to share them on such as Facebook. Otherwise, many of you would never get a glimpse of our world below the Equator!

As far as politics goes down here, we are taking a day off from school tomorrow to lay low due to some warnings from the US Embassy of some rioting that is expected to take place. As some of you may have read in the recent news, the US Ambassador to Bolivia was declared "Persona Non Grata", or was kicked out of the country, and the US immediately responded by kicking out the Bolivian Ambassador to the US. Not only that, but the same measures were taken in Venezuela after the transactions between the US and Bolivia (you're more like to have heard of this as opposed to news of our neck of the woods). Please pray for the safety of foreigners here, as well as the Lord's providence and being able to continue our ministry at school.

This past week I shared a good word through a devotional time with our staff. I have really been wrestling with the idea lately of living out of the overwhelming abundance available to me as opposed to what I often seem to operate out of- an exhausting deficit. Do you ever feel like you go through life waiting for others to affirm your worth, expecting to get something for your work, thinking that others somehow owe you something? In Spanish I love the phrase "falta nada"- which literally means lacking nothing. This is you and I in Christ- not only lacking nothing, but having everything. I want to share a picture with you I found this past week through looking deeper into the original Hebrew of the text:

"HO! Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters and you who have no money, come, buy, and eat. Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why do you spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourself in abundance." -Isaiah 55:1-2

Of course Tim turned this into a hilarious rap due to the first odd word, but what we saw was an ironic statement embedded here: those without a penny to their name are invited to come and somehow purchase the richest foods, and yet those with pockets full of cash are choosing to waste it on junk food and empty pleasures. So what is this vague abundance we are offered really mean?

The word abundance comes from the Hebrew word deshen, which translates to fat ashes. Oh you mean this still doesn't offer clarity? Well in this context, the fatty ashes were the burnt offering of the best calf brought to the altar, the unblemished lamb sacrificed under the old law. So, in a sense, the Lord is laying out His best and fattest calf, His deshen, for us to enjoy free of charge.

I remember a specific night in high school youth group, when the pastor set out an incredible communion table and encouraged us to "feast on Jesus." While some of us were initially turned off by the sadistic image this phrase conjured up, once it sunk in and I understood his meaning, it was really a beautiful picture that has stuck with me for many years. Christ's life, given in exchange for mine, not in the form of a flaky pathetic styrofoam cracker but a heaping loaf of pan..."I came that you might have life, and have it abundantly." -John 10:10

I pray that you live in light of the fullness that has been set out before you.

Antes y Despues

2008-08-30T19:55:00.009-04:00

“Thus it is sad to see men and women, who for years have been professed Christians, to whom the deeper spiritual realities have no meaning, no power, no appeal.” -Charles R. Erdman

“Therefore leaving the elementary teaching about the Christ, let us press on to maturity…” Hebrews 6:1.

We just wrapped up the 3rd week back at school! Isn’t it amazing how life suddenly picks back up after a short respite and you find yourself right in the thick of it again? This year Highlands is pioneering a middle school and I have the privilege of teaching escritura and lectura, writing and reading, for 5th, 6th, and 7th grades. It’s been a blast for me to work with many of the same kids I have taught over the past two years. I have seen them grow from lanky elementary students to awkward junior highers, passionate about life and eager to learn.

The hot question out of most Bolivian friends’ mouths since our return has been, “When are you going to have a little huawita??” (Huawita is an affectionate Aymaran term for newborn baby). HA! Apparently it is culturally expected to jump directly into parenthood after making the huge life change into marriage. The thought that we want to wait several years to procreate is odd, even depressing to some. And yet, this is an indicator of their deep value of family- why would you wait if you can start now?

We just celebrated Tim’s 27th birthday this past week! At Highlands, the students honored him by singing “Happy Birthday” in 5 different languages- a powerful reminder that we teach kids who will disperse and influence countries all over the world. We partied with a camping style cookout, complete with choripan (a delicious sausage and bread combo…WAY better than hotdogs!), a blazing bonfire, and s’mores.

Many of you know that we undertook a huge endeavor at the start of our marriage- to overhaul a 50+-year-old house that had been sitting empty for 2 years. Perhaps the best aspect of remodeling our house in Bolivia has been the overwhelming shock and encouragement from those who have seen it from the very beginning. When we recently reached a stopping point, or felt that we had made most of the changes we were able and willing to pay for, we stood back in awe. We posted an album on Facebook to show friends the drastic change (link below). It was remarkable even to us! Somewhere along the slow and tedious process of change we had forgotten just how bad it was when we first began. The day we first showed up, fresh off a luxurious honeymoon, I thought, “There is really no way we’re going to stay here for more than a few weeks…” But thankfully, my husband is a visionary and a capable developer, 2 components that proved crucial in this 7-month-long revamp of our Bolivian hogar.

I’ve realized lately how much we crave to see evidence of change, to see figurative before and after snapshots of our lives. In a spiritual sense, I believe that when we have known the pain of being separated from God, living as his enemy, we will forever have a “before” picture engraved in our minds. In seasons of our walk when we fall away and taste of that “before” stage once again, the response of the Spirit in our mortal bodies is to strive to be nearer to Him. How many times do we hear or share the words, “I’m feeling distant from God right now…”? Essentially we have known the intimate relationship with our God and instead of living and walking forward in the “after” stage, have regressed to the “before.” But the more we are reminded of where we came from, the tragedy of eternal separation, and the ugly pictures of our “house” from the very beginning, we run the other direction, into deeper knowledge and closer embrace of the Lord, that we might be different, changed, better, living proof of redemption to a fallen world. As Paul says many times, we were formerly…, but now we are…. We were once dead, but now are alive!

On a related note, it is always disturbing to walk by a haggard woman breastfeeding her 4-year-old child in the marketplace. Instinctively we know in our gut this is not how it was meant to be! I believe this is what the author of Hebrews was speaking of when he pleaded with the not-so-recent-converts to move on to solid food, to entirely leave behind their infant tendencies. While we will always be in the “after” stage once we come to know Christ, sometimes we simply remain, stagnant in our place and comfortable in diapers, drinking milk as our sustenance.

Check out our tangible reminder of before and after!

going home...back and forth

2008-05-05T18:52:00.005-04:00

Just two weeks ago, my heart was weary of living here. Tim and I had recently returned from a mission trip with our students. While the time spent trekking throughout the jungle was eye opening and profoundly moving to watch the Lord use our high schoolers, we couldn’t seem to regain our footing in La Paz afterward. We were dealing with messy visa complications and Tim had to cross the border into Peru in order to stay here. Our house was still mid-way remodeled, we seemed to be missing each other at every turn, and we had experienced several days of being taken advantage of, whether by police or a random minibus driver. I found comfort in David’s desperate and raw cry in Psalm 55: “My heart is in anguish within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror has overwhelmed me. I said, ‘Oh that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.’” In fact I did fly away, for a brief weekend in the States for my dearest friend’s wedding. These were my words on the plane flight home…

“Just an hour ago I was immersed in middle to upper class white suburbia- a world of acrylic nails, open bars, extravagant country clubs, gas at $4 a gallon, meat carving stations, leather interiors, circulating presidents, unused 4 wheel drives, 31 flavors, 10 lane highways…tomorrow morning I will land back in the middle of El Alto, one of the poorest barrios in South America, where megastores, obesity, luxuries, and city traffic are mythical, and only those who have previously known of such “novelties” can complain in their absence. The neighborhood tienda has and always will suffice. Monotony. Redundancy. Simplicity. It makes sense why going back and forth between these two worlds in brief snippets of time can be quite a shock to the system.”

The wedding itself was emotionally and spiritually rejuvenating, such a time of deep celebration and soaking up God’s goodness amongst dearest friends and prayer warriors for our ministry. The newly married Daniels will soon set off on an adventure to Costa Rica, and my heart rejoices for them in their willingness to go and the “life to the fullest” that awaits them there. While we left exhausted and spent we returned with a replenished eagerness to do life here.

Marriage is teaching me much about life, especially life in La Paz. It seems to spill over into every other area. In fact, I don’t know how I ever did this without a teammate. The mantra that Tim and I repeat to ourselves in times of divisive conflict is, “We are on the same team!” And as I walk the streets and pensar en Bolivia, I realize what can sometimes seem like the enemy (crooked policia, inefficient sistemas, and untrustworthy migracion), are not nor will they ever be the enemy. The people we are here to minister to should never be the ones we are against, yet I’m sure Christ felt like this to a much greater extent throughout his entire life. I believe the true enemy uses these tactics to beat us down and discourage us to the point of wanting to give up and go home, or rather return from whence we came.

So as I was starting to pity myself for a lack of a stable sense of “home,” I stumbled upon Numbers 33. Talk about a nomadic lifestyle. The Israelites entire life after the exodus was one big backpacking trip, constantly living out of a suitcase, no real place to call home on earth. But God gave them a promise in Deuteronomy 1:30-31a that still rings true to me in Bolivia thousands of years later, “The Lord your God who goes before you will Himself fight on your behalf, just as He did for you in Egypt before you eyes, and in the wilderness where you saw how the Lord your God carried you, just as a man carries his son.”

There are so many parts of the Scriptures that reveal what I believe to be God’s witty, somewhat sarcastic sense of humor. At one point, when the Israelites had reached the border of the promised land after 40 years of this backpacking madness, there was no water for the people to drink. They begin fighting with Moses and demanding that he provide necessary refreshment. In Exodus 17:3 they even go so far as to grumble, “Why, now, have you brought us up from Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?” Of course the Lord leads Moses and provides water shortly thereafter. Moses names the place Massah and Meribah, because they tested Jehovah, saying, “Is the Lord among us, or not?” Now, you don’t explicitly hear God’s sarcastic response in this passage, but I can only imagine at their complaining, especially at their ridiculous conclusion that “God must be trying to kill us all,” God wanted to shout, “You have got to be kidding me! Yes, that’s right, that’s why I have been faithfully leading you here day by day as your compass and providing each meal to sustain you. Yes, that’s why I have done all of the above and initially led you out of slavery.”

As much as this made me laugh this morning, I am thinking about naming this place Massah and Meribah, in mockery of my own shallow faith, that often asks, “Is the Lord among us, or not?” and in solid profession that He has, is, and will indeed remain here among us.

pictures to come soon!!!

2008-02-07T16:58:00.000-05:00

Hard to believe Tim and I have been back in La Paz for 3 weeks now as a married couple! To those of you who shared in the celebration with us on the 29th of December, we are beyond grateful for your sacrifice to be there. We have heard many times since then, “You never forget who shows up at your wedding!” and how encouraging it has been, to flip through the rolodex of faces and allow those to be fuel and support in being back in South America, very far removed from most of our dearest friends and family. It was indeed a glorious time when we sensed the Lord’s hands so fully around every moment of the weekend—His presence was there! We tasted of His goodness through each and every one of you.

Since returning, we have undergone a huge reworking of a rather old and worn down house we have been entrusted with: priming, painting, tearing down, rebuilding, destroying, remodeling, rearranging…it has definitely kept us busy! Last weekend we had many of our friends, both ex-pats and Bolivians, over to help in our endeavor to make this two-story, 3 bedroom house become our home! We were blessed as they tore down wallpaper, took sledgehammers to walls, ripped up old carpet, and gave of their time to let us know we have a group of “2 am friends” here, the kind who would be over in the middle of the night if needed.

What is different about life here in La Paz than back in the States? Many things, to be honest. When 20 Americans watch the Super Bowl huddled around the novelty of a cable TV featuring Spanish commentary, you know you’re not in Kansas anymore. When you have to travel across the city to a minimum of 3 supermercados in order to find the ingredients to make one meal, you realize you’re far away from the mega-grocery stores of suburban America. When you spend an entire Saturday going from one tienda to the next just to find silverware, trashcans, Tupperware, and basic household appliances, it dons on you that Super Target would be a true convenience never to be taken for granted. When school is cancelled due to excessive rain and flooding, you realize that “snow day” may very well be a relative term. Yet when you hike up abandoned trails in your own city and find yourself on a mountaintop overlooking La Paz in breathtaking, ant-like fashion below, you’re thankful you’re in a different world altogether. When you can truly off-road and chart your own territory into rugged terrain only to discover snow-covered mountains and ice caves, you realize this is an adventure set apart indeed, the kind that Tim and I will be reliving for years into our marriage. When you cross paths with foreigners who bless you with genuine eagerness to share their culture and unique love stories of meeting the Lord, you know you have entered a different realm, an eternal sphere where time and place have no real relevance.

Despite both daily frustrations and once in a lifetime opportunities, we are deeply thrilled with the privilege of forming the foundation of our marriage in La Paz, where the reality of what it looks like to “leave and cleave” sets in a little bit more each day. After all, the “where” really doesn’t matter so much in the grand scheme of things as does the “why.” As one of my dear students prayed sincerely in cramped English, “God, thank you for another day of life!”

It Just Keeps Getting Better...

2007-12-08T08:08:00.000-05:00

21 days till we get married…
17 days till Christmas…
13 days till we come HOME-

It seems like much of our lives lately have been surrounding countdowns. Yet at the same time, if we were really honest with ourselves, instead of wishing away what we’re in the middle of right now, we are eagerly anticipating the wealth of goodness God continues to lay before us. In most areas of our lives, our mantra has become, "It just keeps getting better!" These past few weeks have been beyond description. Life is a constant daily adventure. And even in a South American country in the rainy season with few classic Christmas decorations, absolutely no real Christmas trees around, and no copies of It’s a Wonderful Life to be found, the spirit of Christmas is still very much in the air. Tim and I have counted ourselves blessed beyond words to live in this country, know these people, experience such rich community, and work in such unbelievable jobs that it hardly feels like work. Instead we find ourselves saying, “I can’t believe I get to live this life!!!”

This past Thursday, our school celebrated the Christmas season with an unmatched program of singing, skits, worship, and the gospel message. In a Christian school where only about 40% of the families claim to know Christ, it was a powerful time that we pray was life-changing for many parents and siblings as they watched the students rejoicing in the upcoming birth of our Savior. My class used their creative skills to dream up a skit called “Versions of Christmas: What Is Christmas Really About?” Not only did they put on a hilarious performance, but they ended by reciting Luke 2:10-11 together, “And the angel said to them, ‘Fear not, for behold I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people! For unto you is born this day, in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord!’”

Tim and I are very much ready to get married! There has been a running countdown on my white board in my classroom of “______ days till Miss Brenton is Mrs. Scarborough!” It’s been fun to share our relationship with my kids, and pray that they have a glimpse of what it looks like when a couple finds a vision together through the Lord and attempts to build a relationship around Christ as the foundation. Needless to say, my class, in fact the entire school, has grown very fond of “Mr. Tim,” and just a few weeks ago when Tim entered the cafeteria during lunch for a surprise visit, the whole elementary school erupted with a cheer of, “TIM!”

Yesterday my class celebrated with us by throwing a wedding shower 5th grade style! The time was complete with tag in the backyard of one student’s house, hide-and-seek, and of course a “makeup” session where we both were face-painted in outrageous colors by dizzy, blindfolded children. Needless to say, we were a sight for sore eyes. But again, as we left with our heartfelt Bolivian gifts and a homemade card from my students, we were in awe of God’s undeserved blessings for us through the lives of the ones we are supposed to be ministering to!

Tim and I finished our marriage counseling just last week with a wonderfully wise and generous missionary couple here. As we discussed everything from conflict to families to money to sex with the Jameses, we thanked the Lord for a couple overseas who could speak truth into our lives and cause our eyes to be opened to the potential areas of weakness where the enemy may attack in these next vulnerable months. One of our greatest joys in this season has been the ongoing outpouring of this community into our moldable lives! We have found ourselves pursued by many Christian couples in a way that we might not have experienced had we moved to a brand new place to start our lives together in the states. The wealth of knowledge and insight that so many have offered has been invaluable to Tim and I, and it all came to a culminating celebration last weekend.

Last weekend, we were blown away by our 50 friends who came to our fiesta shower! One dear family hosted the event, and it was an all-out celebration with many of our favorites – queso and chips (hard to come by here!), enchiladas, and even our very own mariachi band! We even got to cut the cake here and throw in the Bolivian twist of smashing the cake into one another’s faces. The group surprised us by collecting money for our honeymoon as well as sending us out in the true fashion of this community by covering us in prayer! It was a rich time, as we have mourned the loss of not having these dear friends there at our wedding. Of course, we ended by demolishing our homemade piñata and fighting with the kids over the slew of candy.

All this to say that we have found ourselves in an ongoing season of Thanksgiving, as we are continually blessed by the love and encouragement of friends here. Very little about our engagement and story has been orthodox, and even coming home a week before our wedding seems preposterous to many folks, but we would not trade our lives for anything. Thank you for your ongoing support and the reminders from so many back home that we are exactly where we need to be! We hope to see you in only 21 days to celebrate the wedding bash of the century…

2007-09-15T16:40:00.000-04:00

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it's wet with rain
just remember till you're home again -
you belong to me

-jason wade, "You Belong to Me"

Perhaps the all-knowing deity is the only one who can claim the knowledge that, "Jealousy is never satisfied with anything short of an omniscience that would detect the subtlest fold of the heart." I'm learning how this often negative-sounding word has powerful implications of my God's love for me.

How to sum up the past 5 weeks of being "back"? Bolivia seems much the same- as one of my New Zealand friends here appropriately put it, "a million billion dogs on the street that poo in exactly the wrong spot, people throwing non-biodegradable litter out the car/bus window, men that publicly pee in the corner or on a wall...shops that carry absolutely no change, shop-owners that lie to you about carrying absolutely no change...one-way streets that aren't labelled...restaurants that serve you bacteria-infested food that cause dire bodily consequences. It's funny how there are some things that you just don't get used to." Couldn't agree more. And yet this country is remarkably more beautiful than I remember. Perhaps it's the landscape that is breathtakingly raw and dangerous, the man in the grocery store who helps me pick out the best tomatoes each week, the precious girls playing games on our apartment steps, or my middle-aged Bolivian friend who owns the postcard store who not only remembered me but exclaimed, "You came back!" when I first stepped foot back in the run-down shop.

My days consist of loving the job of teaching 12 rough 5th graders, immersing myself in the weighty concerns and needs of my students, taking Spanish classes from the one-toothed wonder Jaime, breaking down walls around the hearts of an eclectic mix of 5 senior girls, learning to love all-Spanish church that has provided such an encouraging body, and escaping every once in a while with some American staff to have a taste of the familiar in a very foreign world. I LOVE living here, truly. And I love how the Lord speaks to me in a myriad of ways through voices and scriptures that are almost painful to receive at times.

I recently asked my students to write prayers to God, sharing their hearts with Him and asking Him to help them in the ways they want to change. Some of their requests were candid and humorous, "to get as tall as a jiraff well not that big but bigger than what I am now I don't feel as tall as I use to," while others were sobering and opened my eyes to their hurt. One student wrote in his developing English, "I whant to help more my mom because my dad is not here," while another simply asked, "for a frend," and yet another confessed, "sory for all the bad things i did and the wones I will do, I need a gide to find my way."

My favorite (am I allowed to have favorites?) prayer was from a Korean student who speaks little English and rarely talks, let alone opens up. "Dear God, I want to grow, grow up and change everything and lern evething of you and I want to think about you and talk to you everyday." Gulp. Needless to say, I was humbled by my students' hearts, the reality and bigness of their struggles, their desire to change, to know Him more, to find Him in all this.

How do I even recap what God has done in my heart through all this? What I feel so strongly that I want to share with you? As I recently read in Mike Mason's The Mystery of Marriage, "What sort of love would it be if our Maker looked on tolerantly and dispassionately as we destroyed ourselves, cutting ourselves off from our own life? For the Lord knows that He Himself is our Life, and His jealous possessiveness of us is thus an expression of the greatest possible concern for our well-being." He quotes St. Augustine, who knew this truth full well when he said, "You made us for Yourself, and our hearts find no peace utnil they rest in You." As Jason Wade sings, "just remember till you're home again, you belong to me." I can travel the world, but I am not to forget that my life is not my own, that "it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Galatians 2:20), that I belong to a Heavenly Father.

So I've been so convicted lately of how often and easily I choose to withhold love from people. The verse, "For you have not been given a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of POWER, of LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE," (2 Tim 1:7) has been heavy on my mind lately and I've been mulling over it in my heart daily. I've been praying to be humbled, and it's so painful, almost a scraping off effect at times. The other day during our staff devotional, when our principal Jason shared that the father of David, our Bolivian business manager who has been in a coma now for 5 months, recently accepted Christ, I began weeping! I was truly touched that this man was drawn to the Lord through the painful loss of his son, but more than anything, I was so convicted as I heard the Lord whisper to my heart, "THAT is what is at stake. When you choose to withhold my freely given love, eternity is at stake-" and not at all to say that i have any control over people's salvations, but the very thought that I could miss out on being a part of bringing someone into the kingdom of heaven because of my petty selfishness is frightening indeed.

Wow, quite a bit of thoughts I just poured out. Usually I feel that my life lessons here are more concise, easier to package and present. But today I feel really strongly that I need to get this all out there! To encourage those of you who may have forgotten that there is a Jealous and Intimate God who is after your heart. To remind us that when Christ commanded us to love our enemies, he meant nothing short of pouring out our lives for those who will spit in our face. To cause you to live and act knowing that what we do in life echoes in eternity, and that the gospel has been entrusted to us as no meager life calling.

And finally, pray for Tim and I, as he wraps up the last bit of business in the states before heading to Bolivia to join up with me here. Pray that the Lord would continue to richly provide, as He has so faithfully and abundantly, so that Tim and I can finally do ministry here together!

Divine Romance

2007-05-26T17:23:00.001-04:00

"The fullness of
your grace is here with me
the richness of
your beauty's all I see
The brightness of
your glory has arrived
In your presence God
I'm completely satisfied

For you
I sing
I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart, and my hands
to show my love
to show my love

A deep, deep flood
An ocean flows from you
a deep, deep love
yeah it's filling up the room
your innocent blood
has washed my guilty life
in your presence God
I'm completely satisfied."

-Phil Wickham

I am overwhelmed by the beautiful love story the Lord has crafted and allowed me to be apart of. I never dreamed it could be this good. For those of you who haven't yet heard the news, Tim and I are getting married! He flew into Bolivia to surprise me for my birthday this past week. It was unreal, and definitely the most unexpected and wonderful gift I could have received. I think I'm still in disbelief that I am engaged, total shock that this man chased after me so relentlessly, and still stunned by the fact that this tangible pursuit is greater than I ever dreamed it would be.

On Tuesday morning, Jason, our director at HIS, told me he had something he needed to show me in his office during recess. He put in this DVD I knew had to be from Tim, and I began to watch as he sang happy birthday and told me how bummed he was that he couldnt' be there with me to celebrate. He then shared some verses that have been our prayers for each other over the course of our relationship, and specifically how the Lord has so beautifully drawn our hearts together to the point that we know we're ready to start our lives together over the course of the past 5 months. The last segment of the video closed with him saying, "I need you to do one last thing for me, I need you to turn around..." And you can only guess who was standing in the doorway...I screamed and apparently shouted repeatedly through an outburst of tears, "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING HERE????" It wasn't until after he had proposed and put a ring on my finger that I pieced together the "why" of his trip:)

But honestly the best part of the week with Tim took place on Friday morning. I had the opportunity to speak at our high school chapel. I opened by holding up a huge stack of letters my fiance' (it's so great to finally get to use that word!) has sent me over the course of my past 5 months here. While this tangible pursuit has been far more unreal and beautiful than I ever dreamed for myself as a little girl, I shared that Tim would be the first to admit that this will always pale in comparison to the intimate love we know in the Lord.

I then presented to them a painting of the ocean, and how it brought me back to times when I would ask my dad as a little girl, "Daddy, how much do you love me?" Thinking he would respond with, "From here to that island so far away," or some other measurable and overwhelming distance, he would instead always reply, "Oh Whitney, more than you'll ever know..." I desired something tangible, a containable amount to wrap my mind around, a description that would allow me to know the breadth and depth of his love.

I shared a verse that has been my battle cry throughout my time away here, verse 8 of Psalm 143, in which David says, "Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust..." Why? I have asked over and over again, Does David plead with the Lord specifically to know and hear from Him in the morning? Why is his desire to, "Let me hear," as opposed to, "Speak to me"? I began to understand just where David was coming from this semester, that I have a great and horrifying tendency to forget and allow my heart to be lured away from my first love. It's as if David knows that the Lord is present and all around him, yet he desires and needs the Lord to overcome his deafness and inability to hear the whispers He is in fact speaking to him each and every morning.

I then began to "ruin" my painting, splashing dull colors over the once vibrant and powerful picture, illustrating how in so many ways I mute the extent of what He longs to offer me, when He says, "I came that you might have life, and have it to the fullest." I push away, withdraw, separate myself, construct my own pride, refuse to lean on Him, build walls around my heart, ultimately blinding myself to this picture of limitless love, to the reality of His daily pursuit of my heart.

Tim then played several worship songs, including "Divine Romance" above, as I "redeemed" the original, turning the messy lines and splattered paint into His outstretching hand, reaching down to little broken me in the bottom right-hand corner. Tim shared with me later that as he looked out over the crowd, he saw tears being wiped away and almost visibly the walls being torn down.

What an unreal blessing, to testify alongside the man I love that what we have together is only a reflection, that the best it gets is the picture before them, the truth found in the words of the song. It was an inexpressible joy to once again lead and worship next to him, just as we grew to love at camp, and know that we are beginning a lifetime of loving the Lord together. What a great reminder that this is not about us, but that we are caught up in something so much greater than ourselves.

I could barely finish through humbled tears, but closed with several verses I have come back to over and over again most recently, "For I am convinced, that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39).

So, thank you dear friends, for sharing in our unspeakable joy- I cannot wait to return in a few short weeks and celebrate with you in person! May you richly experience a pursuit that is beyond human description, limitless and undeserved, and would you seize opportunities to proclaim of this love to those who are not seeing the beautiful picture or hearing His whispers each morning.

aprendiendo poco a poco

2007-03-25T18:29:00.000-04:00

“Oh the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the LORD, or who became His counselor? Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to Him again? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.”
-Romans 11:33-36

Yo estoy aprendiendo espanol poco a poco. Yes, it’s true, I am learning Spanish little by little, but this phrase can honestly be applied to every other area of my life as well. While my days are spent teaching, I’m learning infinitely more. In fact, what I’m teaching seems to be only an overflow of what I’m learning each and every day, in every arena of my life.

Let’s start with Spanish. Perhaps one of the biggest myths I bought into in coming here was that I would simply pick up the language, that by the effortless process of diffusion I would wake up one day and be fluent. Haha, not so, I have learned. For me, the process of learning this supposed “facil lenguaje” has been painstaking, humbling, even embarrassing. Just the other night, I commented to a Bolivian waitress when asked if we wanted more to eat, “Estamos muy lindos!” While I meant to say, “We are very full!” I instead informed her, “We are very pretty!” Good one, Whit. I’ve heard it said that in order to get one sentence right, you first have to say about 100 incorrectly. I’m beginning to think it might be more like 1,000 for me…

What about in my classroom? Well, let’s just say that my students are a far greater example than I of what it looks like to love unconditionally, to overlook the outward appearance and annoying behavior of some, to not think of oneself in the call to sacrifice, and instead love recklessly from an overflow of the heart. Recently, my students brought me to tears as I watched them organize a bake sale to raise money for a loved Bolivian staff member in the hospital, in great need of funds to foot the bill for his many surgeries and costly, life-sustaining meds. Together they collected over 800 Bolivianos, roughly $100 to support David and his family. I know, unbelievable. I wish you could have seen it.

And as for me and Tim, well this area is certainly not excluded. Since his recent return from the Dominican Republic, his heart has been sold on the idea of going back. As a result, we’ve recently talked more about the future than ever before. While the Lord has placed a definite desire in both of our hearts to get married down the road, we also feel a sense of obedience knowing that this decision is what the Lord wants because it will ultimately bring Him the most glory, that together we will be greater for Him than we could be apart. But dang, is it challenging. I have never been so tested in patience, in waiting for the Lord’s timing, in trusting that He will provide and continue to open doors and lead us where we need to move from here. I often find myself in doubt that He is capable, but praise Him that He is not thwarted by the size of my faith.

Spiritually? Well, honestly, I have found my heart crying out to the Lord most recently out of frustration, even anger sometimes, just in hard days of missing home and big events in people’s lives, “God I have sacrificed so much for you! This is so hard, why do you ask me to give you anything else? Would you please give me a break…” Then just last night I was overwhelmingly convicted and comforted and cradled all in the same moment. At my church youth group, I heard the Lord so gently but firmly speak truth to my heart, “Remember, beloved, that the cost for your sin was my life. You were and are worth it to me. But know that if you now really want to live for me, like you say you do, than I ask you to give me your whole life as well, holding nothing back. Am I worth it to you?” Then just this morning, to hear a message entirely in Spanish surrounding the verse, “Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to Him again? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.” So true. My life is not my own, and thankfully so. When I step back even for a moment, I realize that I would not trade for anything this beautiful life that I can’t believe I get to live.

“What I am describing now is so great a joy to Jesus that he counts as nothing his labor and his bitter sufferings and his cruel and shameful death. And in these words: if I could suffer more, I would suffer more, I saw truly that if he could die as often as once for every man who is to be saved, as he did once for all men, love would never let him rest till he had done it.” -from Julian of Norwich: Showings

“The bedrock in Jesus Christ’s kingdom is poverty, not possession; not decisions for Jesus Christ, but a sense of absolute futility—I cannot begin to do it. Then Jesus says—Blessed are you. That is the entrance, and it does take us a long while to believe we are poor! The knowledge of our own poverty brings us to the moral frontier where Jesus Christ works.”
-from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

As we approach “semana santa” and prepare to mourn in the death and rejoice in the life of Christ, would we see the price for our life paid in full before our very eyes, experience that kind of love unmatched, and admit that while we are broken and poor in spirit, he blesses those who eagerly admit such shortcomings. In fact, he celebrates such weakness and invites us to be a part of something far greater.

Me gustas tu

2007-02-12T19:57:00.000-05:00

Hard to believe I’ve been here over a month now, that I’m actually in my 6th week of teaching! Really?!? Que raro… Time certainly does fly here, at an even faster pace than it ever seemed to at home. Each day in the classroom I’m amazed at how we seem to jump from morning meeting to lunch and then suddenly the buses are here. Last week, one of my most unique and hilarious students, Joaquin, exclaimed with a huge grin as we were lining up for almuerzo, “Whoa! The day’s more than half way over—I like being in your class!”

I forget how fun school can be at this age—we are erupting our homemade, exceptionally-decorated volcanoes tomorrow in a huge competition between the horribly disadvantaged 4th graders. They don’t have a chance. The rest of the elementary school is voting on the best experiment, based on volume of eruption and creativity in design.

We have been acting out scenes from our class read aloud, C.S. Lewis’ Silver Chair, and plan on coordinating a play soon for the rest of the school (yet to be determined). We are learning how to write like real authors, and the creations these students invent blow me away. Math has been quite a challenge, as I’ve come to realize that conceptually most of the students are years behind where they should be, although I love pushing them and seeing them achieve far beyond what they believe they’re capable of.

One struggle I face daily is how to empower them to think critically. We always want to be spoon-fed information, don’t we? Often in our laziness we forget the joy of discovery and attempt to purchase the quick answer, or buy the easy way out. In my students' responses I see how we are conditioned to be passive, choosing not to search in a way that requires too much effort. Perhaps one of the greatest joys of this job is asking a deep, thought-provoking question, sitting back as they turn to each other waiting for someone else to take charge, when all of a sudden a student erupts with, “oh- I think I know!” and an arm flings high in the air, often accompanied by a half-hop out of the student’s seat. I delight in seeing the light bulb not only click on in one’s mind but blind the rest of the class as well.

We recently put together a huge puzzle we like to call the “Big Picture,” under which the caption reads, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God…” I found a beautiful scenery photo in National Geographic and cut it into 30 tiny squares. As a class, we all worked on translating the image found on each of our squares onto much larger proportional blocks of paper. Finally, we put all the pieces together, having never before seen the original picture as a class. The result, which is now proudly displayed on the wall for everyone to admire, is a far from perfect yet stunningly beautiful composition of every student’s best work. When we look at each frame apart from the big picture, it’s hardly more than random colors and seemingly aimless lines. However, when you step back, our big picture is truly awesome. In our class discussions surrounding the project, I have loved hearing the students outwardly process this abstract idea, that perhaps we don’t see it all. It serves as an encouragement that maybe God is up to something far greater and more astounding and good than we realize in the midst.

Quite simply, I truly love it here—I could not be more thankful to be living in this place. I’m patiently but diligently “apprendiendo espanol poco a poco.” No one told me that learning by immersion doesn’t mean that you merely soak up the language like a sponge in water; the process of learning in spite of my dense mind is far more awkward and exhausting and unnatural than I can accurately relay. Yet thankfully I have time, and I’m committed to learning to really communicate. It’s amazing the repercussions the Tower of Babel has on our lives even still-

My Bolivian family is an embodiment of real joy and true generosity and genuine patience. My students are a blessing and in their hugs and surprising encouragement I sense God reminding me that their lives are going to humble me and teach me a love that knows no bounds. My relationship with Tim has grown and deepened since being here, and we are both awed by how the Lord continues to draw us together despite distance and grant such delight in praying for each other in the absence of daily communication.

So, as I listen to the French artist Manu Chao (I highly recommend downloading “Bongo Bong” or “Me gustas tu”) in order to connect to Bolivian pop-culture and improve mi espanol (and now I’m just addicted to the music), I want to leave you with this:

“Let the WORD of Christ dwell in you richly,
teaching and admonishing one another in ALL wisdom,
singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,
with thankfulness in your hearts to God.”
Colossians 3:16

Let us be immersed yet truly soak up the Word no matter the cost of the search,
and encourage one another to keep an eternal, big-picture perspective,
all the while worshipping in whatever place and role and stage we find ourselves in,
and live in gratitude for all we’ve been given that we will never deserve-

Merry early V-Day friends:)

Bajo en la esquina, por favor!

2007-01-13T19:47:00.000-05:00

It’s difficult to find a place to begin-
It’s hard to sum up or even wrap my own mind around, and I’ve been taking it in firsthand. This has undoubtedly been one of the fullest, most overwhelming, undeserved, beautiful and literally breathtaking “semanas” I have survived to date. Would these journal excerpts and stolen words provide a snapshot of my first week here in Bolivia.

1.06.07
“Lord, the day is finally here, and I can hardly believe it. I’m sitting here, in the Miami airport, looking around, feeling alone because I am already in a foreign world- wondering where the adventure is in all this- Lord I feel like I’ve heard and said that word millions of times in the past few months and even before…pretty sure I’m living in what some would call an ‘adventure’ right now but it feels pretty weird, uncomfortable…”

1.07.07
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9

“…behold, the Lord has gone out before you…”
Judges 4:14

1.08.07
“God, I can’t believe I get to live this life.”
Rob Bell

"In the quiet, in the stillness,
I know that you are God.
In the secret, of your presence,
I know there I am restored.
When you call I won't refuse.
Each new day I get I'll choose-
There is no one else for me,
None but Jesus.
Crucified to set me free,
Now I live to bring you praise...
And all my delight is in you Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in you Lord
Forevermore-"
Hillsong

1.09.07
“My soul languishes for your salvation; I wait for your Word. My eyes fail with longing for your Word, while I say, ‘When will you comfort me?’”
Psalm 119:81-82

“This wall is glaring and it’s too hard for me to climb,
I’ve ran and ran and now there’s nothing left behind,
I see a picture of a broken man inside,
I’ve tried and tried and now there’s nothing left but time…
And I’ll wait, for you,
I’ll wait for you alone,
And I’ll wait, for you,
I’ll wait for you alone…”
Mat Kearney

1.10.07
“I am quite possibly the closest I ever have been to simply doing life with you- needing you, constantly aware of your presence almost like a needy child, clinging to her father. Lord would you teach me raw trust. I realize I’m a being ruled by emotional stability. Would truth be my anchor, your faithfulness my cause me to surrender everything blindly and overrule my shaky spirit.”

“Among His countless children, whom He so greatly loves and whom he heaps with tenderness and favors, there are few indeed, who truly entrusting themselves to Him, live as veritable children of God…And so it is that He welcomes with a love of predilection those souls, all too few in number, who in adversity as in joy, in tribulation and consolation, unfalteringly trust in His paternal love.”
Brennan Manning

1.11.07
“Once again my heart cries:
‘Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.’ (Psalm 143:8).
Would you wake me up with this every morning.”

1.12.07
“I’ve been struck with a stark realization that I know little to no scripture by heart and a conviction that I want to memorize verses so that I know them cold…when I wake up dead to the world each morning, would that be all I can muster up to say…It seems ever more necessary that I pray for you to incline my heart to the scriptures, to love your Word, to fasten my steps and actions to it and build my life around it.”

“Lord, I don’t know how this is- but I feel more loved here now than ever, more lifted up, backed, supported, encouraged, both by soul mate friends and family at home as well as new amigos here. How precious that distance holds no bearing in your divine economy…”

1.13.07
“And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, will all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit…”
Ephesians 6:17-18

“Lord, would I ‘continue in the faith firmly established and steadfast, and not move away from the hope of the gospel that I have heard.’ (Colossians 1:23) Lord what does it take? I’m not sure I know what it means to be firmly rooted and consistent…”

And so I leave you with this:
“For even though I am absent in body, nevertheless I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good discipline and the stability of your faith in Christ. Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him.”
Colossians 2:5-6

Chained in by goodness

2006-09-26T10:45:00.000-04:00

Not that I knew he ever existed yesterday, but I agree with Sholem Asch, a celebrated Jewish author eventually scorned by his people for promoting Christianity, who stated quite simply, "Writing comes more easily if you have something to say." He must have known something worth talking about.

Usually I neglect reading in favor of writing, forgetting that, as pointed out above, we must have an inspiration for our thoughts. I don't need to read, I think. But really, I am no great creator or artist, because I can only respond and copy. Basically, I realize I must read a lot more than I do now. My mom always said, "All great writers are readers..." and there's probably more truth in that than I would like to admit.

Another great quote from Theodore Dreiser that I so identify with: "Words are but the vague shadows of the volumes we mean. Little audible links, they are, chaining together great inaudible feelings and purposes." Do you ever feel like that? When you write a thought out, attempt to communicate an emotion to someone, words almost always seem unable to work, or they just don't always function for the purpose they were intended to serve. So let that preface the following thoughts on Paul and C.S. Lewis.

One of my favorite verses, that startles and alarms me every time I read it, goes like this, "It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all." In 1st Timothy chapter 1 verse 15, Paul declares himself in total unashamed confidence as the worst of all sinners. Is he joking? I think to myself. No, he really isn't- in fact he actually believed that to be entirely true.

I'm really pretty good, I think many times.
I don't know what I'm supposed to confess right now.
I can't think of much sin that's really present.

On the front end of C.S. Lewis' drastic conversion, he wrote the following, quite humbling words,
"You must picture me alone in that room at Magdalene, night after night, feeling, whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. That which I greatly feared had at last come upon me. In the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England."

How ironic, that these two, incredibly admirable men in the Christian faith, had a habit of labeling themselves as the worst sinner of all, the most hesitant above the rest...in total sincerity.
I'm coming to understand that the more we see the depth of our sin, the more we'll see the depth of God's grace.
I want to pray that the Lord would surface my sin,
that I could say without doubt or comparison or pointing a finger,
"...among whom I am foremost of all-"
only then do we grasp the joy we were meant to experience in the fullness of grace-

Work in Progress

2006-07-31T18:16:00.000-04:00

So...somehow the summer is coming to an end and I'm not quite ready for it to be over. How is it at camp that the days often seem eternal and more full than anywhere else yet the weeks still fly by? Regardless, I am excited about getting back to Athens and reconnecting with so many of you I miss TERRIBLY. As amazing as my summer has been, it's thrilling to know that you have all had unique and separate adventures all over the world, literally.

I think I am scared of transitions. I think part of what is hard is leaving early from camp to get back- I want complete closure here in Colorado. I know that when I get back, my heart will still be here, thinking about what I am missing. It's always a struggle to be immersed fully where I am- Even here though, I am exhausted and eager to be home, not living out of a suitcase. I am praying to finish strong. To not leave with any words unsaid or time unspent or love heldback. Looking back on entries from the beginning of the summer back in Athens, it's funny to see how the Lord brings things full circle and re-teaches them to us over and over. As many of you know, I'm pretty forgetful:)

I feel like the past few weeks I have seen my need for God like never before. Often I can think of nothing else to pray in fact, but "Lord, I so desperately need you..." I know I've shared this before, but it's been even more real and humbling the past few days. I think that I expect that practice in serving will produce perfection- not so, says my sin nature. The truth is that despite working in the kitchen for about 2 and a half months now, my attitude is still regularly selfish and prideful. I find myself frustrated and short tempered, and wanting to bite back at the few bratty kids who have nothing better to do than complain because we didn't refill their pink lemonade fast enough. Ok but really, what I love and am sensing the Lord saying to me often is, "You are missing the point...do you have an idea of how I feel now when you don't accept and treasure my gift to you?"

But there is hope, because what I am utterly and completely thankful for is the fact that Christ is the hope of every relationship. In the brokenness, or gap rather, that happens when two imperfect people interact, Christ is the only one who can restore what is un-fixable, beyond repair- and that is something to be truly thankful for. First of all, that when I refuse to extend grace I forget my own need of it and I simply don't understand nor have I accepted it fully-

It's been an unreal privilege to get to speak several times throughout the summer. I'm always amazed with how the Lord shows up and breathes truth into me when I feel unprepared or inadequate that I find later the kids directly needed to hear. I spoke earlier this week while painting a picture of the hands of a potter molding clay. I shared with these young kids about the volumes it speaks to us that God chose to make us with his hands- to literally get dirty in the process of making us. Nothing else in all of creation did he create that way- he spoke all the rest into existence. We are worth far more to him than anything else. I pray that that simple but profound truth would sink in to your heart and rock your world as it has mine.

I love you friends and cannot but have to wait just a little bit longer before being reunited.
Absence certainly does make the heart grow fonder...

Real, content, overjoyed-

2006-06-10T18:34:00.000-04:00

So I asked my T-Crew girls to describe their summers thus far in just three words. I decided I should answer the question as well and my response was the above title-
real, because I have had some of the most genuine, vulnerable, and relational time ever since I've been here. Content, because I am assured everyday of my purpose in being here, and overjoyed because I feel like the phrase "my cup runs over" has been running through my head throughout each day.

Let me just say that I am LOVING being here. While being in Colorado is truly amazing, the weather has been beautiful and the scenery is breathtaking, the people here make it beyond worthwhile.

Working with the T-Crew, or kitchen staff girls has been unreal. Who would have thought that hours of behind the scenes work cleaning dishes and prepping for meals could be this amazing? What has made my time here has been the process of being humbled and reminded of my selfishness. In talking to one of my close friends who is working as a counselor here this summer, she shared that the other day she was struggling with not being patient, compassionate, or gracious towards her kids. So pretty much, I said, your realizing that everything Christ is we are simply not naturally? Yep, that's just it. I am seeing that daily-

While it was challenging at first to not be with the kids, getting to share in my girls' struggles and literally experience their joys with them has made the transition not just easier but revealed that the Lord's desire for my role this summer was beyond what good I could mentally conjure up on my own.

One phrase I want to share with you that someone shared with me just the other day is this-- "I want to ask you to speak truth into my life-"
I love this...to ask each other to breathe not flattering words but truth that refines into our lives as we work alongside one another.

As I'm cleaining I realize how great the extent of upkeep that can always and needs to be done. When left to ourselves, we accumulate filth. In the kitchen, crumbs show up, dust piles everywhere, and as I've seen in many conversations, if we don't constantly filter and guard our hearts, junk seeps in and our words and actions quickly reveal it...

So much to say and not enough time...I have to head back up the mountain now to jump back into camp world and join the kids with the beach bash.

I will write more later, but know that I truly miss you friends and pray for you many mornings as I look out and am reminded of God's sovereignty in one of the most gorgeous places on earth-

Road Trips and Departures

2006-05-11T22:40:00.000-04:00

Why are we so scared of change?

I remember reading yearbook notes that never quite sat right with me, "Please, NEVER change!" or just recently someone, meaning to encourage, wrote a card with a similar phrase in it. And the thing is, I know their intentions are entirely complimentary, very flattering in fact-

But I would think the best way to encourage one another, "to spur each other on to love and good deeds," would be to write something more along the lines of, "May you continue to change, rather, allow yourself to be changed daily." If any transformation is to take root in you and me, any refining, each day some sort of leaving must take place.

I feel like everywhere I look, there's a reminder of how we are paralyzed by the fear of moving on, away, out, beyond, forward.
A mom pouting because her college aged son is going off to work for the summer many miles away.
A high school senior scared to go too far from home for the next couple years.
A college graduate hesitant to take a job they know they were made for because it is not the safest alternative.

To steal a long quote from a favorite writer:
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting someting beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave."
...or so my fellow adventurer Donald Miller writes in Through Painted Deserts

I think what I love so much about this quote is that he recognizes that each of our lives are only our own, only given to us once in such a way that each day is precious- each new stage of life is not merely to be some safe variation of the last.

This past year in my third grade classroom, my mentor teacher always penned a morning message to the students to kick off each day. At the bottom of each letter she would write "CARPE DIEM!" for the class to read together. So powerful, to hear kids engage early on with the idea that there is much to be enjoyed, delved into, and learned from the multiple experiences they encounter every fresh new day. And I think that's why I love teaching so much, because you can see a nearly tangible transformation taking place in the lives of kids. They amaze me with how quickly they abandon some old habit and learn a better way to do something. Half the difficulty in teaching is not transferring new information- I can dream up creative ways to do that. Rather, it's about first awakening the knowledge that there is a need to know more, to be different than one is, to venture away.

So in order to truly encourage you,
would you go out and be changed
would you be molded and shaped
would you leave your place of comfort
may you be forever different upon returning

Why write at all?

2006-05-01T20:09:00.000-04:00

I have been passionate about writing for as long as I can remember. Most often in the form of journaling, and most recently in the urgency to write thoughts down, even if it means pulling over to the side of the road to get my thoughts onto paper. I realize that this summer, ideally, I would love to have 8 hours every day to write you each a personal handwritten note- to hear about the adventure you're finding yourself in, what is going on wherever you are in the world, and to share some of what I'm a part of- but realistically, even individual emails are difficult on a regular basis. So this is my attempt to keep up with you all throughout the course of the summer, to both share what the Lord is teaching me and hear what is on your heart as well.

I want to share what I sense He has woken me up with every morning over the past few weeks:

"Now we should live when the pulse of life is strong...
Life is a tenuous thing...
fragile...
fleeting...
Don't wait for tomorrow.
Be here now!
Be here now!
Be here now!"

Wherever you are, whatever chapter you are currently in, my prayer is that we would find the strength to finish well. That we would never partially close off one story and begin another book without giving it all we have.

I hate unfinished projects. The traces of loose ends all over my desk even now- emails not yet responded to, gifts not adequately thanked for, relationships in limbo, unkept promises, and conversations left open-ended-

It is more than simply completing a to do list, but rather seeking excellence in all we do. I despise having stopped short on a run when I mentally determined to last a certain distance. On the flip side, one of the most refreshing feelings I know is going to bed at night, utterly exhausted, yet spent knowing that I poured out all I had to give.

Just a little encouragement, friends. I am certainly no expert on this and am convicted daily of this foreign call to live life to the fullest and pursue excellence in all I do-