A Close Encounter

What began last Saturday morning as a well-meaning bike ride down El Choro Trail, a famous 25 mile Incan path that connects the outskirts of La Paz to the jungle city of Coroico, ended as a slightly scary experience for the wives waiting on the other end. When Julie and Maya (the spouse and 5 month old baby of New Zealand biker James) and I dropped off the group of 5 at the Cumbre, or start of the trail, at 11:30 am, we had little doubt that we would be picking up the adventurers no later than 8 pm in Coroico at the end of la caminata. However, as late evening rolled around and we had yet to hear anything from the group, we began to grow a little concerned. We had already unpacked all our things at a lovely animal reserve called La Senda Verde outside of town (below is a pic of me with one of the friendly monkeys on the premises); however, we had to stay in the car in town to wait for the call because there was no reception at our hostal. Thankfully, Maya is an exceptionally chill baby and put up less of a fuss about having to sleep in the back of the Bellingham's '73 LandCruiser than Jules and I did.

At around 2 am, as we were restlessly in and out of sleep, parked off the plaza in Coroico on this unfortunate rain-chilled night, our worries peaked and we began to fear the worst. Had our husbands slipped of the trail on the their bikes and slid down a cliff to their death? Had one of the group had a nasty injury and, being miles from any kind of care, the rest of the group had to carry them the remaining miles of the trail? Really, we had NO idea where they were and allowed our minds to go to the worst places- praying that they were just dealing with a bit of bike trouble and there was really nothing wrong at all.

Well, at around 10 am the next morning, almost 23 hours after their departure, feeling groggy and trying to be optimistic despite a low morale, we got the long-awaited call from our men! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU GUYS? As hoped for, the boys (and one brave chica) had in fact experienced a great deal of bike trouble (over 20 flat tires were patched throughout the day-long trek!). Thankfully, they were safe, had hitched a ride from the end of the trail to the town we were currently in and would be there shortly. Needless to say, Julie and I rejoiced together and Maya continued on as her chilled self, having had no idea anything was ever wrong.

All in all, there were no great injuries. However, Tim did incur a centimeter deep, 2 inch wide gash on his leg during a "fight" with a jagged rock on the trail. We got a few stitches at the shady hospital in town and racked up a whopping 76 B tab! For those not so familiar with the Boliviano-Dollar exchange rate, that's right around $9. Yep, that's right- NINE DOLLARS! We may just have to dip into our emergency savings fund for that one.

Now that it's all said and done, it was an incredible experience for the bikers, and while they hated leaving us wondering if they were alive on the other side, we saw the Lord's providence through the generosity of people. Before Julie and I went to town to wait for the group's arrival, we encountered some car trouble. The Lord immediately brought along a group of Paraguayans who were in no rush but were insistent on fixing the truck before they moved on. They got dirty under the hood of the car while we entertained Maya and followed their Spanish orders for about 45 minutes.

The next day, after Tim's return, some Cuban doctors took us under their wings. They cleaned Tim's wound (pictured above, forgive the gory nature of this picture!) and gave us loads of medicine to ward off infection. While they were unable to perform stitches due to a lack of equipment, they warned us if we went to the hospital, they would have to cut the already infected cauli-flowered muscle around the gash and then sew it up. With a big gulp and "pull up your bootstraps" attitude (on my part- Tim was quite unphased), we made our way to the hospital where they welcomed us warmly and administered the sutures.

While it is now a somewhat comical story to share and refer back to, I legitimately was scared for the first time in our 10 months of marriage that perhaps the Lord had other plans for me than growing old with my husband. I will say this, that I profoundly learned the importance of memorizing scripture, of engraving the Lord's promises on my heart, because as John Piper has taught fervently on, I should not have to have my Bible in moments of crisis to speak truth and to ground my worried, wandering spirit on the solid rock.

Bolivia Makes Headlines

The view from our window as pro-Evo supporters marched down the hill in droves...at least 3,000 men and women from El Alto to protest autonomy and stand strong for Chavez's buddy, President Morales.

Showing our support in our chicken pot pie, praying that all these political shenanigans don't get us sent home...

controversy and deficit

Thanks so much to all of you who have taken the time to look at our before and after house photos and encourage us from a distance! It's fun to have a super helpful (while still lame) venue to share them on such as Facebook. Otherwise, many of you would never get a glimpse of our world below the Equator!

As far as politics goes down here, we are taking a day off from school tomorrow to lay low due to some warnings from the US Embassy of some rioting that is expected to take place. As some of you may have read in the recent news, the US Ambassador to Bolivia was declared "Persona Non Grata", or was kicked out of the country, and the US immediately responded by kicking out the Bolivian Ambassador to the US. Not only that, but the same measures were taken in Venezuela after the transactions between the US and Bolivia (you're more like to have heard of this as opposed to news of our neck of the woods). Please pray for the safety of foreigners here, as well as the Lord's providence and being able to continue our ministry at school.

This past week I shared a good word through a devotional time with our staff. I have really been wrestling with the idea lately of living out of the overwhelming abundance available to me as opposed to what I often seem to operate out of- an exhausting deficit. Do you ever feel like you go through life waiting for others to affirm your worth, expecting to get something for your work, thinking that others somehow owe you something? In Spanish I love the phrase "falta nada"- which literally means lacking nothing. This is you and I in Christ- not only lacking nothing, but having everything. I want to share a picture with you I found this past week through looking deeper into the original Hebrew of the text:

"HO! Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters and you who have no money, come, buy, and eat. Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why do you spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourself in abundance." -Isaiah 55:1-2

Of course Tim turned this into a hilarious rap due to the first odd word, but what we saw was an ironic statement embedded here: those without a penny to their name are invited to come and somehow purchase the richest foods, and yet those with pockets full of cash are choosing to waste it on junk food and empty pleasures. So what is this vague abundance we are offered really mean?

The word abundance comes from the Hebrew word deshen, which translates to fat ashes. Oh you mean this still doesn't offer clarity? Well in this context, the fatty ashes were the burnt offering of the best calf brought to the altar, the unblemished lamb sacrificed under the old law. So, in a sense, the Lord is laying out His best and fattest calf, His deshen, for us to enjoy free of charge.

I remember a specific night in high school youth group, when the pastor set out an incredible communion table and encouraged us to "feast on Jesus." While some of us were initially turned off by the sadistic image this phrase conjured up, once it sunk in and I understood his meaning, it was really a beautiful picture that has stuck with me for many years. Christ's life, given in exchange for mine, not in the form of a flaky pathetic styrofoam cracker but a heaping loaf of pan..."I came that you might have life, and have it abundantly." -John 10:10

I pray that you live in light of the fullness that has been set out before you.

Antes y Despues

“Thus it is sad to see men and women, who for years have been professed Christians, to whom the deeper spiritual realities have no meaning, no power, no appeal.” -Charles R. Erdman

“Therefore leaving the elementary teaching about the Christ, let us press on to maturity…” Hebrews 6:1.



We just wrapped up the 3rd week back at school! Isn’t it amazing how life suddenly picks back up after a short respite and you find yourself right in the thick of it again? This year Highlands is pioneering a middle school and I have the privilege of teaching escritura and lectura, writing and reading, for 5th, 6th, and 7th grades. It’s been a blast for me to work with many of the same kids I have taught over the past two years. I have seen them grow from lanky elementary students to awkward junior highers, passionate about life and eager to learn.

The hot question out of most Bolivian friends’ mouths since our return has been, “When are you going to have a little huawita??” (Huawita is an affectionate Aymaran term for newborn baby). HA! Apparently it is culturally expected to jump directly into parenthood after making the huge life change into marriage. The thought that we want to wait several years to procreate is odd, even depressing to some. And yet, this is an indicator of their deep value of family- why would you wait if you can start now?

We just celebrated Tim’s 27th birthday this past week! At Highlands, the students honored him by singing “Happy Birthday” in 5 different languages- a powerful reminder that we teach kids who will disperse and influence countries all over the world. We partied with a camping style cookout, complete with choripan (a delicious sausage and bread combo…WAY better than hotdogs!), a blazing bonfire, and s’mores.

Many of you know that we undertook a huge endeavor at the start of our marriage- to overhaul a 50+-year-old house that had been sitting empty for 2 years. Perhaps the best aspect of remodeling our house in Bolivia has been the overwhelming shock and encouragement from those who have seen it from the very beginning. When we recently reached a stopping point, or felt that we had made most of the changes we were able and willing to pay for, we stood back in awe. We posted an album on Facebook to show friends the drastic change (link below). It was remarkable even to us! Somewhere along the slow and tedious process of change we had forgotten just how bad it was when we first began. The day we first showed up, fresh off a luxurious honeymoon, I thought, “There is really no way we’re going to stay here for more than a few weeks…” But thankfully, my husband is a visionary and a capable developer, 2 components that proved crucial in this 7-month-long revamp of our Bolivian hogar.

I’ve realized lately how much we crave to see evidence of change, to see figurative before and after snapshots of our lives. In a spiritual sense, I believe that when we have known the pain of being separated from God, living as his enemy, we will forever have a “before” picture engraved in our minds. In seasons of our walk when we fall away and taste of that “before” stage once again, the response of the Spirit in our mortal bodies is to strive to be nearer to Him. How many times do we hear or share the words, “I’m feeling distant from God right now…”? Essentially we have known the intimate relationship with our God and instead of living and walking forward in the “after” stage, have regressed to the “before.” But the more we are reminded of where we came from, the tragedy of eternal separation, and the ugly pictures of our “house” from the very beginning, we run the other direction, into deeper knowledge and closer embrace of the Lord, that we might be different, changed, better, living proof of redemption to a fallen world. As Paul says many times, we were formerly…, but now we are…. We were once dead, but now are alive!

On a related note, it is always disturbing to walk by a haggard woman breastfeeding her 4-year-old child in the marketplace. Instinctively we know in our gut this is not how it was meant to be! I believe this is what the author of Hebrews was speaking of when he pleaded with the not-so-recent-converts to move on to solid food, to entirely leave behind their infant tendencies. While we will always be in the “after” stage once we come to know Christ, sometimes we simply remain, stagnant in our place and comfortable in diapers, drinking milk as our sustenance.

Check out our tangible reminder of before and after!

going home...back and forth

Just two weeks ago, my heart was weary of living here. Tim and I had recently returned from a mission trip with our students. While the time spent trekking throughout the jungle was eye opening and profoundly moving to watch the Lord use our high schoolers, we couldn’t seem to regain our footing in La Paz afterward. We were dealing with messy visa complications and Tim had to cross the border into Peru in order to stay here. Our house was still mid-way remodeled, we seemed to be missing each other at every turn, and we had experienced several days of being taken advantage of, whether by police or a random minibus driver. I found comfort in David’s desperate and raw cry in Psalm 55: “My heart is in anguish within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror has overwhelmed me. I said, ‘Oh that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.’” In fact I did fly away, for a brief weekend in the States for my dearest friend’s wedding. These were my words on the plane flight home…

“Just an hour ago I was immersed in middle to upper class white suburbia- a world of acrylic nails, open bars, extravagant country clubs, gas at $4 a gallon, meat carving stations, leather interiors, circulating presidents, unused 4 wheel drives, 31 flavors, 10 lane highways…tomorrow morning I will land back in the middle of El Alto, one of the poorest barrios in South America, where megastores, obesity, luxuries, and city traffic are mythical, and only those who have previously known of such “novelties” can complain in their absence. The neighborhood tienda has and always will suffice. Monotony. Redundancy. Simplicity. It makes sense why going back and forth between these two worlds in brief snippets of time can be quite a shock to the system.”

The wedding itself was emotionally and spiritually rejuvenating, such a time of deep celebration and soaking up God’s goodness amongst dearest friends and prayer warriors for our ministry. The newly married Daniels will soon set off on an adventure to Costa Rica, and my heart rejoices for them in their willingness to go and the “life to the fullest” that awaits them there. While we left exhausted and spent we returned with a replenished eagerness to do life here.

Marriage is teaching me much about life, especially life in La Paz. It seems to spill over into every other area. In fact, I don’t know how I ever did this without a teammate. The mantra that Tim and I repeat to ourselves in times of divisive conflict is, “We are on the same team!” And as I walk the streets and pensar en Bolivia, I realize what can sometimes seem like the enemy (crooked policia, inefficient sistemas, and untrustworthy migracion), are not nor will they ever be the enemy. The people we are here to minister to should never be the ones we are against, yet I’m sure Christ felt like this to a much greater extent throughout his entire life. I believe the true enemy uses these tactics to beat us down and discourage us to the point of wanting to give up and go home, or rather return from whence we came.

So as I was starting to pity myself for a lack of a stable sense of “home,” I stumbled upon Numbers 33. Talk about a nomadic lifestyle. The Israelites entire life after the exodus was one big backpacking trip, constantly living out of a suitcase, no real place to call home on earth. But God gave them a promise in Deuteronomy 1:30-31a that still rings true to me in Bolivia thousands of years later, “The Lord your God who goes before you will Himself fight on your behalf, just as He did for you in Egypt before you eyes, and in the wilderness where you saw how the Lord your God carried you, just as a man carries his son.”

There are so many parts of the Scriptures that reveal what I believe to be God’s witty, somewhat sarcastic sense of humor. At one point, when the Israelites had reached the border of the promised land after 40 years of this backpacking madness, there was no water for the people to drink. They begin fighting with Moses and demanding that he provide necessary refreshment. In Exodus 17:3 they even go so far as to grumble, “Why, now, have you brought us up from Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?” Of course the Lord leads Moses and provides water shortly thereafter. Moses names the place Massah and Meribah, because they tested Jehovah, saying, “Is the Lord among us, or not?” Now, you don’t explicitly hear God’s sarcastic response in this passage, but I can only imagine at their complaining, especially at their ridiculous conclusion that “God must be trying to kill us all,” God wanted to shout, “You have got to be kidding me! Yes, that’s right, that’s why I have been faithfully leading you here day by day as your compass and providing each meal to sustain you. Yes, that’s why I have done all of the above and initially led you out of slavery.”

As much as this made me laugh this morning, I am thinking about naming this place Massah and Meribah, in mockery of my own shallow faith, that often asks, “Is the Lord among us, or not?” and in solid profession that He has, is, and will indeed remain here among us.

pictures to come soon!!!

Hard to believe Tim and I have been back in La Paz for 3 weeks now as a married couple! To those of you who shared in the celebration with us on the 29th of December, we are beyond grateful for your sacrifice to be there. We have heard many times since then, “You never forget who shows up at your wedding!” and how encouraging it has been, to flip through the rolodex of faces and allow those to be fuel and support in being back in South America, very far removed from most of our dearest friends and family. It was indeed a glorious time when we sensed the Lord’s hands so fully around every moment of the weekend—His presence was there! We tasted of His goodness through each and every one of you.

Since returning, we have undergone a huge reworking of a rather old and worn down house we have been entrusted with: priming, painting, tearing down, rebuilding, destroying, remodeling, rearranging…it has definitely kept us busy! Last weekend we had many of our friends, both ex-pats and Bolivians, over to help in our endeavor to make this two-story, 3 bedroom house become our home! We were blessed as they tore down wallpaper, took sledgehammers to walls, ripped up old carpet, and gave of their time to let us know we have a group of “2 am friends” here, the kind who would be over in the middle of the night if needed.

What is different about life here in La Paz than back in the States? Many things, to be honest. When 20 Americans watch the Super Bowl huddled around the novelty of a cable TV featuring Spanish commentary, you know you’re not in Kansas anymore. When you have to travel across the city to a minimum of 3 supermercados in order to find the ingredients to make one meal, you realize you’re far away from the mega-grocery stores of suburban America. When you spend an entire Saturday going from one tienda to the next just to find silverware, trashcans, Tupperware, and basic household appliances, it dons on you that Super Target would be a true convenience never to be taken for granted. When school is cancelled due to excessive rain and flooding, you realize that “snow day” may very well be a relative term. Yet when you hike up abandoned trails in your own city and find yourself on a mountaintop overlooking La Paz in breathtaking, ant-like fashion below, you’re thankful you’re in a different world altogether. When you can truly off-road and chart your own territory into rugged terrain only to discover snow-covered mountains and ice caves, you realize this is an adventure set apart indeed, the kind that Tim and I will be reliving for years into our marriage. When you cross paths with foreigners who bless you with genuine eagerness to share their culture and unique love stories of meeting the Lord, you know you have entered a different realm, an eternal sphere where time and place have no real relevance.

Despite both daily frustrations and once in a lifetime opportunities, we are deeply thrilled with the privilege of forming the foundation of our marriage in La Paz, where the reality of what it looks like to “leave and cleave” sets in a little bit more each day. After all, the “where” really doesn’t matter so much in the grand scheme of things as does the “why.” As one of my dear students prayed sincerely in cramped English, “God, thank you for another day of life!”

It Just Keeps Getting Better...

21 days till we get married…
17 days till Christmas…
13 days till we come HOME-

It seems like much of our lives lately have been surrounding countdowns. Yet at the same time, if we were really honest with ourselves, instead of wishing away what we’re in the middle of right now, we are eagerly anticipating the wealth of goodness God continues to lay before us. In most areas of our lives, our mantra has become, "It just keeps getting better!" These past few weeks have been beyond description. Life is a constant daily adventure. And even in a South American country in the rainy season with few classic Christmas decorations, absolutely no real Christmas trees around, and no copies of It’s a Wonderful Life to be found, the spirit of Christmas is still very much in the air. Tim and I have counted ourselves blessed beyond words to live in this country, know these people, experience such rich community, and work in such unbelievable jobs that it hardly feels like work. Instead we find ourselves saying, “I can’t believe I get to live this life!!!”


This past Thursday, our school celebrated the Christmas season with an unmatched program of singing, skits, worship, and the gospel message. In a Christian school where only about 40% of the families claim to know Christ, it was a powerful time that we pray was life-changing for many parents and siblings as they watched the students rejoicing in the upcoming birth of our Savior. My class used their creative skills to dream up a skit called “Versions of Christmas: What Is Christmas Really About?” Not only did they put on a hilarious performance, but they ended by reciting Luke 2:10-11 together, “And the angel said to them, ‘Fear not, for behold I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people! For unto you is born this day, in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord!’”

Tim and I are very much ready to get married! There has been a running countdown on my white board in my classroom of “______ days till Miss Brenton is Mrs. Scarborough!” It’s been fun to share our relationship with my kids, and pray that they have a glimpse of what it looks like when a couple finds a vision together through the Lord and attempts to build a relationship around Christ as the foundation. Needless to say, my class, in fact the entire school, has grown very fond of “Mr. Tim,” and just a few weeks ago when Tim entered the cafeteria during lunch for a surprise visit, the whole elementary school erupted with a cheer of, “TIM!”

Yesterday my class celebrated with us by throwing a wedding shower 5th grade style! The time was complete with tag in the backyard of one student’s house, hide-and-seek, and of course a “makeup” session where we both were face-painted in outrageous colors by dizzy, blindfolded children. Needless to say, we were a sight for sore eyes. But again, as we left with our heartfelt Bolivian gifts and a homemade card from my students, we were in awe of God’s undeserved blessings for us through the lives of the ones we are supposed to be ministering to!

Tim and I finished our marriage counseling just last week with a wonderfully wise and generous missionary couple here. As we discussed everything from conflict to families to money to sex with the Jameses, we thanked the Lord for a couple overseas who could speak truth into our lives and cause our eyes to be opened to the potential areas of weakness where the enemy may attack in these next vulnerable months. One of our greatest joys in this season has been the ongoing outpouring of this community into our moldable lives! We have found ourselves pursued by many Christian couples in a way that we might not have experienced had we moved to a brand new place to start our lives together in the states. The wealth of knowledge and insight that so many have offered has been invaluable to Tim and I, and it all came to a culminating celebration last weekend.

Last weekend, we were blown away by our 50 friends who came to our fiesta shower! One dear family hosted the event, and it was an all-out celebration with many of our favorites – queso and chips (hard to come by here!), enchiladas, and even our very own mariachi band! We even got to cut the cake here and throw in the Bolivian twist of smashing the cake into one another’s faces. The group surprised us by collecting money for our honeymoon as well as sending us out in the true fashion of this community by covering us in prayer! It was a rich time, as we have mourned the loss of not having these dear friends there at our wedding. Of course, we ended by demolishing our homemade piñata and fighting with the kids over the slew of candy.

All this to say that we have found ourselves in an ongoing season of Thanksgiving, as we are continually blessed by the love and encouragement of friends here. Very little about our engagement and story has been orthodox, and even coming home a week before our wedding seems preposterous to many folks, but we would not trade our lives for anything. Thank you for your ongoing support and the reminders from so many back home that we are exactly where we need to be! We hope to see you in only 21 days to celebrate the wedding bash of the century…

fly the ocean in a silver plane
see the jungle when it's wet with rain
just remember till you're home again -
you belong to me

-jason wade, "You Belong to Me"



Perhaps the all-knowing deity is the only one who can claim the knowledge that, "Jealousy is never satisfied with anything short of an omniscience that would detect the subtlest fold of the heart." I'm learning how this often negative-sounding word has powerful implications of my God's love for me.

How to sum up the past 5 weeks of being "back"? Bolivia seems much the same- as one of my New Zealand friends here appropriately put it, "a million billion dogs on the street that poo in exactly the wrong spot, people throwing non-biodegradable litter out the car/bus window, men that publicly pee in the corner or on a wall...shops that carry absolutely no change, shop-owners that lie to you about carrying absolutely no change...one-way streets that aren't labelled...restaurants that serve you bacteria-infested food that cause dire bodily consequences. It's funny how there are some things that you just don't get used to." Couldn't agree more. And yet this country is remarkably more beautiful than I remember. Perhaps it's the landscape that is breathtakingly raw and dangerous, the man in the grocery store who helps me pick out the best tomatoes each week, the precious girls playing games on our apartment steps, or my middle-aged Bolivian friend who owns the postcard store who not only remembered me but exclaimed, "You came back!" when I first stepped foot back in the run-down shop.

My days consist of loving the job of teaching 12 rough 5th graders, immersing myself in the weighty concerns and needs of my students, taking Spanish classes from the one-toothed wonder Jaime, breaking down walls around the hearts of an eclectic mix of 5 senior girls, learning to love all-Spanish church that has provided such an encouraging body, and escaping every once in a while with some American staff to have a taste of the familiar in a very foreign world. I LOVE living here, truly. And I love how the Lord speaks to me in a myriad of ways through voices and scriptures that are almost painful to receive at times.


I recently asked my students to write prayers to God, sharing their hearts with Him and asking Him to help them in the ways they want to change. Some of their requests were candid and humorous, "to get as tall as a jiraff well not that big but bigger than what I am now I don't feel as tall as I use to," while others were sobering and opened my eyes to their hurt. One student wrote in his developing English, "I whant to help more my mom because my dad is not here," while another simply asked, "for a frend," and yet another confessed, "sory for all the bad things i did and the wones I will do, I need a gide to find my way."

My favorite (am I allowed to have favorites?) prayer was from a Korean student who speaks little English and rarely talks, let alone opens up. "Dear God, I want to grow, grow up and change everything and lern evething of you and I want to think about you and talk to you everyday." Gulp. Needless to say, I was humbled by my students' hearts, the reality and bigness of their struggles, their desire to change, to know Him more, to find Him in all this.

How do I even recap what God has done in my heart through all this? What I feel so strongly that I want to share with you? As I recently read in Mike Mason's The Mystery of Marriage, "What sort of love would it be if our Maker looked on tolerantly and dispassionately as we destroyed ourselves, cutting ourselves off from our own life? For the Lord knows that He Himself is our Life, and His jealous possessiveness of us is thus an expression of the greatest possible concern for our well-being." He quotes St. Augustine, who knew this truth full well when he said, "You made us for Yourself, and our hearts find no peace utnil they rest in You." As Jason Wade sings, "just remember till you're home again, you belong to me." I can travel the world, but I am not to forget that my life is not my own, that "it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Galatians 2:20), that I belong to a Heavenly Father.

So I've been so convicted lately of how often and easily I choose to withhold love from people. The verse, "For you have not been given a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of POWER, of LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE," (2 Tim 1:7) has been heavy on my mind lately and I've been mulling over it in my heart daily. I've been praying to be humbled, and it's so painful, almost a scraping off effect at times. The other day during our staff devotional, when our principal Jason shared that the father of David, our Bolivian business manager who has been in a coma now for 5 months, recently accepted Christ, I began weeping! I was truly touched that this man was drawn to the Lord through the painful loss of his son, but more than anything, I was so convicted as I heard the Lord whisper to my heart, "THAT is what is at stake. When you choose to withhold my freely given love, eternity is at stake-" and not at all to say that i have any control over people's salvations, but the very thought that I could miss out on being a part of bringing someone into the kingdom of heaven because of my petty selfishness is frightening indeed.

Wow, quite a bit of thoughts I just poured out. Usually I feel that my life lessons here are more concise, easier to package and present. But today I feel really strongly that I need to get this all out there! To encourage those of you who may have forgotten that there is a Jealous and Intimate God who is after your heart. To remind us that when Christ commanded us to love our enemies, he meant nothing short of pouring out our lives for those who will spit in our face. To cause you to live and act knowing that what we do in life echoes in eternity, and that the gospel has been entrusted to us as no meager life calling.

And finally, pray for Tim and I, as he wraps up the last bit of business in the states before heading to Bolivia to join up with me here. Pray that the Lord would continue to richly provide, as He has so faithfully and abundantly, so that Tim and I can finally do ministry here together!

Divine Romance

"The fullness of
your grace is here with me
the richness of
your beauty's all I see
The brightness of
your glory has arrived
In your presence God
I'm completely satisfied

For you
I sing
I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart, and my hands
to show my love
to show my love

A deep, deep flood
An ocean flows from you
a deep, deep love
yeah it's filling up the room
your innocent blood
has washed my guilty life
in your presence God
I'm completely satisfied."

-Phil Wickham

I am overwhelmed by the beautiful love story the Lord has crafted and allowed me to be apart of. I never dreamed it could be this good. For those of you who haven't yet heard the news, Tim and I are getting married! He flew into Bolivia to surprise me for my birthday this past week. It was unreal, and definitely the most unexpected and wonderful gift I could have received. I think I'm still in disbelief that I am engaged, total shock that this man chased after me so relentlessly, and still stunned by the fact that this tangible pursuit is greater than I ever dreamed it would be.

On Tuesday morning, Jason, our director at HIS, told me he had something he needed to show me in his office during recess. He put in this DVD I knew had to be from Tim, and I began to watch as he sang happy birthday and told me how bummed he was that he couldnt' be there with me to celebrate. He then shared some verses that have been our prayers for each other over the course of our relationship, and specifically how the Lord has so beautifully drawn our hearts together to the point that we know we're ready to start our lives together over the course of the past 5 months. The last segment of the video closed with him saying, "I need you to do one last thing for me, I need you to turn around..." And you can only guess who was standing in the doorway...I screamed and apparently shouted repeatedly through an outburst of tears, "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING HERE????" It wasn't until after he had proposed and put a ring on my finger that I pieced together the "why" of his trip:)

But honestly the best part of the week with Tim took place on Friday morning. I had the opportunity to speak at our high school chapel. I opened by holding up a huge stack of letters my fiance' (it's so great to finally get to use that word!) has sent me over the course of my past 5 months here. While this tangible pursuit has been far more unreal and beautiful than I ever dreamed for myself as a little girl, I shared that Tim would be the first to admit that this will always pale in comparison to the intimate love we know in the Lord.

I then presented to them a painting of the ocean, and how it brought me back to times when I would ask my dad as a little girl, "Daddy, how much do you love me?" Thinking he would respond with, "From here to that island so far away," or some other measurable and overwhelming distance, he would instead always reply, "Oh Whitney, more than you'll ever know..." I desired something tangible, a containable amount to wrap my mind around, a description that would allow me to know the breadth and depth of his love.

I shared a verse that has been my battle cry throughout my time away here, verse 8 of Psalm 143, in which David says, "Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust..." Why? I have asked over and over again, Does David plead with the Lord specifically to know and hear from Him in the morning? Why is his desire to, "Let me hear," as opposed to, "Speak to me"? I began to understand just where David was coming from this semester, that I have a great and horrifying tendency to forget and allow my heart to be lured away from my first love. It's as if David knows that the Lord is present and all around him, yet he desires and needs the Lord to overcome his deafness and inability to hear the whispers He is in fact speaking to him each and every morning.

I then began to "ruin" my painting, splashing dull colors over the once vibrant and powerful picture, illustrating how in so many ways I mute the extent of what He longs to offer me, when He says, "I came that you might have life, and have it to the fullest." I push away, withdraw, separate myself, construct my own pride, refuse to lean on Him, build walls around my heart, ultimately blinding myself to this picture of limitless love, to the reality of His daily pursuit of my heart.

Tim then played several worship songs, including "Divine Romance" above, as I "redeemed" the original, turning the messy lines and splattered paint into His outstretching hand, reaching down to little broken me in the bottom right-hand corner. Tim shared with me later that as he looked out over the crowd, he saw tears being wiped away and almost visibly the walls being torn down.

What an unreal blessing, to testify alongside the man I love that what we have together is only a reflection, that the best it gets is the picture before them, the truth found in the words of the song. It was an inexpressible joy to once again lead and worship next to him, just as we grew to love at camp, and know that we are beginning a lifetime of loving the Lord together. What a great reminder that this is not about us, but that we are caught up in something so much greater than ourselves.

I could barely finish through humbled tears, but closed with several verses I have come back to over and over again most recently, "For I am convinced, that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39).

So, thank you dear friends, for sharing in our unspeakable joy- I cannot wait to return in a few short weeks and celebrate with you in person! May you richly experience a pursuit that is beyond human description, limitless and undeserved, and would you seize opportunities to proclaim of this love to those who are not seeing the beautiful picture or hearing His whispers each morning.

aprendiendo poco a poco

“Oh the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the LORD, or who became His counselor? Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to Him again? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.”
-Romans 11:33-36

Yo estoy aprendiendo espanol poco a poco. Yes, it’s true, I am learning Spanish little by little, but this phrase can honestly be applied to every other area of my life as well. While my days are spent teaching, I’m learning infinitely more. In fact, what I’m teaching seems to be only an overflow of what I’m learning each and every day, in every arena of my life.

Let’s start with Spanish. Perhaps one of the biggest myths I bought into in coming here was that I would simply pick up the language, that by the effortless process of diffusion I would wake up one day and be fluent. Haha, not so, I have learned. For me, the process of learning this supposed “facil lenguaje” has been painstaking, humbling, even embarrassing. Just the other night, I commented to a Bolivian waitress when asked if we wanted more to eat, “Estamos muy lindos!” While I meant to say, “We are very full!” I instead informed her, “We are very pretty!” Good one, Whit. I’ve heard it said that in order to get one sentence right, you first have to say about 100 incorrectly. I’m beginning to think it might be more like 1,000 for me…

What about in my classroom? Well, let’s just say that my students are a far greater example than I of what it looks like to love unconditionally, to overlook the outward appearance and annoying behavior of some, to not think of oneself in the call to sacrifice, and instead love recklessly from an overflow of the heart. Recently, my students brought me to tears as I watched them organize a bake sale to raise money for a loved Bolivian staff member in the hospital, in great need of funds to foot the bill for his many surgeries and costly, life-sustaining meds. Together they collected over 800 Bolivianos, roughly $100 to support David and his family. I know, unbelievable. I wish you could have seen it.

And as for me and Tim, well this area is certainly not excluded. Since his recent return from the Dominican Republic, his heart has been sold on the idea of going back. As a result, we’ve recently talked more about the future than ever before. While the Lord has placed a definite desire in both of our hearts to get married down the road, we also feel a sense of obedience knowing that this decision is what the Lord wants because it will ultimately bring Him the most glory, that together we will be greater for Him than we could be apart. But dang, is it challenging. I have never been so tested in patience, in waiting for the Lord’s timing, in trusting that He will provide and continue to open doors and lead us where we need to move from here. I often find myself in doubt that He is capable, but praise Him that He is not thwarted by the size of my faith.

Spiritually? Well, honestly, I have found my heart crying out to the Lord most recently out of frustration, even anger sometimes, just in hard days of missing home and big events in people’s lives, “God I have sacrificed so much for you! This is so hard, why do you ask me to give you anything else? Would you please give me a break…” Then just last night I was overwhelmingly convicted and comforted and cradled all in the same moment. At my church youth group, I heard the Lord so gently but firmly speak truth to my heart, “Remember, beloved, that the cost for your sin was my life. You were and are worth it to me. But know that if you now really want to live for me, like you say you do, than I ask you to give me your whole life as well, holding nothing back. Am I worth it to you?” Then just this morning, to hear a message entirely in Spanish surrounding the verse, “Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to Him again? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.” So true. My life is not my own, and thankfully so. When I step back even for a moment, I realize that I would not trade for anything this beautiful life that I can’t believe I get to live.

“What I am describing now is so great a joy to Jesus that he counts as nothing his labor and his bitter sufferings and his cruel and shameful death. And in these words: if I could suffer more, I would suffer more, I saw truly that if he could die as often as once for every man who is to be saved, as he did once for all men, love would never let him rest till he had done it.” -from Julian of Norwich: Showings

“The bedrock in Jesus Christ’s kingdom is poverty, not possession; not decisions for Jesus Christ, but a sense of absolute futility—I cannot begin to do it. Then Jesus says—Blessed are you. That is the entrance, and it does take us a long while to believe we are poor! The knowledge of our own poverty brings us to the moral frontier where Jesus Christ works.”
-from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

As we approach “semana santa” and prepare to mourn in the death and rejoice in the life of Christ, would we see the price for our life paid in full before our very eyes, experience that kind of love unmatched, and admit that while we are broken and poor in spirit, he blesses those who eagerly admit such shortcomings. In fact, he celebrates such weakness and invites us to be a part of something far greater.

Me gustas tu

Hard to believe I’ve been here over a month now, that I’m actually in my 6th week of teaching! Really?!? Que raro… Time certainly does fly here, at an even faster pace than it ever seemed to at home. Each day in the classroom I’m amazed at how we seem to jump from morning meeting to lunch and then suddenly the buses are here. Last week, one of my most unique and hilarious students, Joaquin, exclaimed with a huge grin as we were lining up for almuerzo, “Whoa! The day’s more than half way over—I like being in your class!”

I forget how fun school can be at this age—we are erupting our homemade, exceptionally-decorated volcanoes tomorrow in a huge competition between the horribly disadvantaged 4th graders. They don’t have a chance. The rest of the elementary school is voting on the best experiment, based on volume of eruption and creativity in design.

We have been acting out scenes from our class read aloud, C.S. Lewis’ Silver Chair, and plan on coordinating a play soon for the rest of the school (yet to be determined). We are learning how to write like real authors, and the creations these students invent blow me away. Math has been quite a challenge, as I’ve come to realize that conceptually most of the students are years behind where they should be, although I love pushing them and seeing them achieve far beyond what they believe they’re capable of.

One struggle I face daily is how to empower them to think critically. We always want to be spoon-fed information, don’t we? Often in our laziness we forget the joy of discovery and attempt to purchase the quick answer, or buy the easy way out. In my students' responses I see how we are conditioned to be passive, choosing not to search in a way that requires too much effort. Perhaps one of the greatest joys of this job is asking a deep, thought-provoking question, sitting back as they turn to each other waiting for someone else to take charge, when all of a sudden a student erupts with, “oh- I think I know!” and an arm flings high in the air, often accompanied by a half-hop out of the student’s seat. I delight in seeing the light bulb not only click on in one’s mind but blind the rest of the class as well.

We recently put together a huge puzzle we like to call the “Big Picture,” under which the caption reads, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God…” I found a beautiful scenery photo in National Geographic and cut it into 30 tiny squares. As a class, we all worked on translating the image found on each of our squares onto much larger proportional blocks of paper. Finally, we put all the pieces together, having never before seen the original picture as a class. The result, which is now proudly displayed on the wall for everyone to admire, is a far from perfect yet stunningly beautiful composition of every student’s best work. When we look at each frame apart from the big picture, it’s hardly more than random colors and seemingly aimless lines. However, when you step back, our big picture is truly awesome. In our class discussions surrounding the project, I have loved hearing the students outwardly process this abstract idea, that perhaps we don’t see it all. It serves as an encouragement that maybe God is up to something far greater and more astounding and good than we realize in the midst.

Quite simply, I truly love it here—I could not be more thankful to be living in this place. I’m patiently but diligently “apprendiendo espanol poco a poco.” No one told me that learning by immersion doesn’t mean that you merely soak up the language like a sponge in water; the process of learning in spite of my dense mind is far more awkward and exhausting and unnatural than I can accurately relay. Yet thankfully I have time, and I’m committed to learning to really communicate. It’s amazing the repercussions the Tower of Babel has on our lives even still-

My Bolivian family is an embodiment of real joy and true generosity and genuine patience. My students are a blessing and in their hugs and surprising encouragement I sense God reminding me that their lives are going to humble me and teach me a love that knows no bounds. My relationship with Tim has grown and deepened since being here, and we are both awed by how the Lord continues to draw us together despite distance and grant such delight in praying for each other in the absence of daily communication.

So, as I listen to the French artist Manu Chao (I highly recommend downloading “Bongo Bong” or “Me gustas tu”) in order to connect to Bolivian pop-culture and improve mi espanol (and now I’m just addicted to the music), I want to leave you with this:

“Let the WORD of Christ dwell in you richly,
teaching and admonishing one another in ALL wisdom,
singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,
with thankfulness in your hearts to God.”
Colossians 3:16

Let us be immersed yet truly soak up the Word no matter the cost of the search,
and encourage one another to keep an eternal, big-picture perspective,
all the while worshipping in whatever place and role and stage we find ourselves in,
and live in gratitude for all we’ve been given that we will never deserve-

Merry early V-Day friends:)

Bajo en la esquina, por favor!

It’s difficult to find a place to begin-
It’s hard to sum up or even wrap my own mind around, and I’ve been taking it in firsthand. This has undoubtedly been one of the fullest, most overwhelming, undeserved, beautiful and literally breathtaking “semanas” I have survived to date. Would these journal excerpts and stolen words provide a snapshot of my first week here in Bolivia.

1.06.07
“Lord, the day is finally here, and I can hardly believe it. I’m sitting here, in the Miami airport, looking around, feeling alone because I am already in a foreign world- wondering where the adventure is in all this- Lord I feel like I’ve heard and said that word millions of times in the past few months and even before…pretty sure I’m living in what some would call an ‘adventure’ right now but it feels pretty weird, uncomfortable…”

1.07.07
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9

“…behold, the Lord has gone out before you…”
Judges 4:14

1.08.07
“God, I can’t believe I get to live this life.”
Rob Bell

"In the quiet, in the stillness,
I know that you are God.
In the secret, of your presence,
I know there I am restored.
When you call I won't refuse.
Each new day I get I'll choose-
There is no one else for me,
None but Jesus.
Crucified to set me free,
Now I live to bring you praise...
And all my delight is in you Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in you Lord
Forevermore-"
Hillsong

1.09.07
“My soul languishes for your salvation; I wait for your Word. My eyes fail with longing for your Word, while I say, ‘When will you comfort me?’”
Psalm 119:81-82

“This wall is glaring and it’s too hard for me to climb,
I’ve ran and ran and now there’s nothing left behind,
I see a picture of a broken man inside,
I’ve tried and tried and now there’s nothing left but time…
And I’ll wait, for you,
I’ll wait for you alone,
And I’ll wait, for you,
I’ll wait for you alone…”
Mat Kearney

1.10.07
“I am quite possibly the closest I ever have been to simply doing life with you- needing you, constantly aware of your presence almost like a needy child, clinging to her father. Lord would you teach me raw trust. I realize I’m a being ruled by emotional stability. Would truth be my anchor, your faithfulness my cause me to surrender everything blindly and overrule my shaky spirit.”

“Among His countless children, whom He so greatly loves and whom he heaps with tenderness and favors, there are few indeed, who truly entrusting themselves to Him, live as veritable children of God…And so it is that He welcomes with a love of predilection those souls, all too few in number, who in adversity as in joy, in tribulation and consolation, unfalteringly trust in His paternal love.”
Brennan Manning

1.11.07
“Once again my heart cries:
‘Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.’ (Psalm 143:8).
Would you wake me up with this every morning.”

1.12.07
“I’ve been struck with a stark realization that I know little to no scripture by heart and a conviction that I want to memorize verses so that I know them cold…when I wake up dead to the world each morning, would that be all I can muster up to say…It seems ever more necessary that I pray for you to incline my heart to the scriptures, to love your Word, to fasten my steps and actions to it and build my life around it.”

“Lord, I don’t know how this is- but I feel more loved here now than ever, more lifted up, backed, supported, encouraged, both by soul mate friends and family at home as well as new amigos here. How precious that distance holds no bearing in your divine economy…”

1.13.07
“And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, will all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit…”
Ephesians 6:17-18

“Lord, would I ‘continue in the faith firmly established and steadfast, and not move away from the hope of the gospel that I have heard.’ (Colossians 1:23) Lord what does it take? I’m not sure I know what it means to be firmly rooted and consistent…”


And so I leave you with this:
“For even though I am absent in body, nevertheless I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good discipline and the stability of your faith in Christ. Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him.”
Colossians 2:5-6

Chained in by goodness

Not that I knew he ever existed yesterday, but I agree with Sholem Asch, a celebrated Jewish author eventually scorned by his people for promoting Christianity, who stated quite simply, "Writing comes more easily if you have something to say." He must have known something worth talking about.

Usually I neglect reading in favor of writing, forgetting that, as pointed out above, we must have an inspiration for our thoughts. I don't need to read, I think. But really, I am no great creator or artist, because I can only respond and copy. Basically, I realize I must read a lot more than I do now. My mom always said, "All great writers are readers..." and there's probably more truth in that than I would like to admit.

Another great quote from Theodore Dreiser that I so identify with: "Words are but the vague shadows of the volumes we mean. Little audible links, they are, chaining together great inaudible feelings and purposes." Do you ever feel like that? When you write a thought out, attempt to communicate an emotion to someone, words almost always seem unable to work, or they just don't always function for the purpose they were intended to serve. So let that preface the following thoughts on Paul and C.S. Lewis.

One of my favorite verses, that startles and alarms me every time I read it, goes like this, "It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all." In 1st Timothy chapter 1 verse 15, Paul declares himself in total unashamed confidence as the worst of all sinners. Is he joking? I think to myself. No, he really isn't- in fact he actually believed that to be entirely true.

I'm really pretty good, I think many times.
I don't know what I'm supposed to confess right now.
I can't think of much sin that's really present.

On the front end of C.S. Lewis' drastic conversion, he wrote the following, quite humbling words,
"You must picture me alone in that room at Magdalene, night after night, feeling, whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. That which I greatly feared had at last come upon me. In the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England."

How ironic, that these two, incredibly admirable men in the Christian faith, had a habit of labeling themselves as the worst sinner of all, the most hesitant above the rest...in total sincerity.
I'm coming to understand that the more we see the depth of our sin, the more we'll see the depth of God's grace.
I want to pray that the Lord would surface my sin,
that I could say without doubt or comparison or pointing a finger,
"...among whom I am foremost of all-"
only then do we grasp the joy we were meant to experience in the fullness of grace-

Work in Progress

So...somehow the summer is coming to an end and I'm not quite ready for it to be over. How is it at camp that the days often seem eternal and more full than anywhere else yet the weeks still fly by? Regardless, I am excited about getting back to Athens and reconnecting with so many of you I miss TERRIBLY. As amazing as my summer has been, it's thrilling to know that you have all had unique and separate adventures all over the world, literally.

I think I am scared of transitions. I think part of what is hard is leaving early from camp to get back- I want complete closure here in Colorado. I know that when I get back, my heart will still be here, thinking about what I am missing. It's always a struggle to be immersed fully where I am- Even here though, I am exhausted and eager to be home, not living out of a suitcase. I am praying to finish strong. To not leave with any words unsaid or time unspent or love heldback. Looking back on entries from the beginning of the summer back in Athens, it's funny to see how the Lord brings things full circle and re-teaches them to us over and over. As many of you know, I'm pretty forgetful:)

I feel like the past few weeks I have seen my need for God like never before. Often I can think of nothing else to pray in fact, but "Lord, I so desperately need you..." I know I've shared this before, but it's been even more real and humbling the past few days. I think that I expect that practice in serving will produce perfection- not so, says my sin nature. The truth is that despite working in the kitchen for about 2 and a half months now, my attitude is still regularly selfish and prideful. I find myself frustrated and short tempered, and wanting to bite back at the few bratty kids who have nothing better to do than complain because we didn't refill their pink lemonade fast enough. Ok but really, what I love and am sensing the Lord saying to me often is, "You are missing the point...do you have an idea of how I feel now when you don't accept and treasure my gift to you?"

But there is hope, because what I am utterly and completely thankful for is the fact that Christ is the hope of every relationship. In the brokenness, or gap rather, that happens when two imperfect people interact, Christ is the only one who can restore what is un-fixable, beyond repair- and that is something to be truly thankful for. First of all, that when I refuse to extend grace I forget my own need of it and I simply don't understand nor have I accepted it fully-

It's been an unreal privilege to get to speak several times throughout the summer. I'm always amazed with how the Lord shows up and breathes truth into me when I feel unprepared or inadequate that I find later the kids directly needed to hear. I spoke earlier this week while painting a picture of the hands of a potter molding clay. I shared with these young kids about the volumes it speaks to us that God chose to make us with his hands- to literally get dirty in the process of making us. Nothing else in all of creation did he create that way- he spoke all the rest into existence. We are worth far more to him than anything else. I pray that that simple but profound truth would sink in to your heart and rock your world as it has mine.

I love you friends and cannot but have to wait just a little bit longer before being reunited.
Absence certainly does make the heart grow fonder...

Real, content, overjoyed-

So I asked my T-Crew girls to describe their summers thus far in just three words. I decided I should answer the question as well and my response was the above title-
real, because I have had some of the most genuine, vulnerable, and relational time ever since I've been here. Content, because I am assured everyday of my purpose in being here, and overjoyed because I feel like the phrase "my cup runs over" has been running through my head throughout each day.

Let me just say that I am LOVING being here. While being in Colorado is truly amazing, the weather has been beautiful and the scenery is breathtaking, the people here make it beyond worthwhile.

Working with the T-Crew, or kitchen staff girls has been unreal. Who would have thought that hours of behind the scenes work cleaning dishes and prepping for meals could be this amazing? What has made my time here has been the process of being humbled and reminded of my selfishness. In talking to one of my close friends who is working as a counselor here this summer, she shared that the other day she was struggling with not being patient, compassionate, or gracious towards her kids. So pretty much, I said, your realizing that everything Christ is we are simply not naturally? Yep, that's just it. I am seeing that daily-

While it was challenging at first to not be with the kids, getting to share in my girls' struggles and literally experience their joys with them has made the transition not just easier but revealed that the Lord's desire for my role this summer was beyond what good I could mentally conjure up on my own.

One phrase I want to share with you that someone shared with me just the other day is this-- "I want to ask you to speak truth into my life-"
I love this...to ask each other to breathe not flattering words but truth that refines into our lives as we work alongside one another.

As I'm cleaining I realize how great the extent of upkeep that can always and needs to be done. When left to ourselves, we accumulate filth. In the kitchen, crumbs show up, dust piles everywhere, and as I've seen in many conversations, if we don't constantly filter and guard our hearts, junk seeps in and our words and actions quickly reveal it...

So much to say and not enough time...I have to head back up the mountain now to jump back into camp world and join the kids with the beach bash.

I will write more later, but know that I truly miss you friends and pray for you many mornings as I look out and am reminded of God's sovereignty in one of the most gorgeous places on earth-

Road Trips and Departures

Why are we so scared of change?

I remember reading yearbook notes that never quite sat right with me, "Please, NEVER change!" or just recently someone, meaning to encourage, wrote a card with a similar phrase in it. And the thing is, I know their intentions are entirely complimentary, very flattering in fact-

But I would think the best way to encourage one another, "to spur each other on to love and good deeds," would be to write something more along the lines of, "May you continue to change, rather, allow yourself to be changed daily." If any transformation is to take root in you and me, any refining, each day some sort of leaving must take place.

I feel like everywhere I look, there's a reminder of how we are paralyzed by the fear of moving on, away, out, beyond, forward.
A mom pouting because her college aged son is going off to work for the summer many miles away.
A high school senior scared to go too far from home for the next couple years.
A college graduate hesitant to take a job they know they were made for because it is not the safest alternative.

To steal a long quote from a favorite writer:
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting someting beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave."
...or so my fellow adventurer Donald Miller writes in Through Painted Deserts

I think what I love so much about this quote is that he recognizes that each of our lives are only our own, only given to us once in such a way that each day is precious- each new stage of life is not merely to be some safe variation of the last.

This past year in my third grade classroom, my mentor teacher always penned a morning message to the students to kick off each day. At the bottom of each letter she would write "CARPE DIEM!" for the class to read together. So powerful, to hear kids engage early on with the idea that there is much to be enjoyed, delved into, and learned from the multiple experiences they encounter every fresh new day. And I think that's why I love teaching so much, because you can see a nearly tangible transformation taking place in the lives of kids. They amaze me with how quickly they abandon some old habit and learn a better way to do something. Half the difficulty in teaching is not transferring new information- I can dream up creative ways to do that. Rather, it's about first awakening the knowledge that there is a need to know more, to be different than one is, to venture away.

So in order to truly encourage you,
would you go out and be changed
would you be molded and shaped
would you leave your place of comfort
may you be forever different upon returning

Why write at all?

I have been passionate about writing for as long as I can remember. Most often in the form of journaling, and most recently in the urgency to write thoughts down, even if it means pulling over to the side of the road to get my thoughts onto paper. I realize that this summer, ideally, I would love to have 8 hours every day to write you each a personal handwritten note- to hear about the adventure you're finding yourself in, what is going on wherever you are in the world, and to share some of what I'm a part of- but realistically, even individual emails are difficult on a regular basis. So this is my attempt to keep up with you all throughout the course of the summer, to both share what the Lord is teaching me and hear what is on your heart as well.

I want to share what I sense He has woken me up with every morning over the past few weeks:

"Now we should live when the pulse of life is strong...
Life is a tenuous thing...
fragile...
fleeting...
Don't wait for tomorrow.
Be here now!
Be here now!
Be here now!"

Wherever you are, whatever chapter you are currently in, my prayer is that we would find the strength to finish well. That we would never partially close off one story and begin another book without giving it all we have.

I hate unfinished projects. The traces of loose ends all over my desk even now- emails not yet responded to, gifts not adequately thanked for, relationships in limbo, unkept promises, and conversations left open-ended-

It is more than simply completing a to do list, but rather seeking excellence in all we do. I despise having stopped short on a run when I mentally determined to last a certain distance. On the flip side, one of the most refreshing feelings I know is going to bed at night, utterly exhausted, yet spent knowing that I poured out all I had to give.

Just a little encouragement, friends. I am certainly no expert on this and am convicted daily of this foreign call to live life to the fullest and pursue excellence in all I do-